I'm notorious for not saving potential dates' numbers and instead relying on my sharp memory to decipher between 773, 312, 847, and varying area codes. After a failed date, I simply delete the message entry from my phone never to hear from the person again; I find it equally effective and rewarding. I sometimes need to scroll through texts and/or emails to figure out the name of my date, but usually just wing it hoping I'll recall en route.
As I went to meet what's-his-name, I realized that I might have wanted to implement my 5-minute rule. I hesitated as I saw him walking toward me, knowing that there would likely be no attraction. The guy did have an impressive resume with a successful Silicon Valley background coupled with a law degree so I knew he'd at least have the intelligence level I'd seek. Typical of those types of guys, however, he wore baggy jeans, chucks, and a bright blue Patagonia? jacket very much living the carefree California style.
Within a few minutes, I gathered he was nervous. His rapid-fire conversation was a lot to take in as well as his need to loud talk in a place that had maybe 8 bar seats (quiet to say the least). I tried to counter with an almost whisper-level until I finally had to tell him that he was being quite noisy. The conversation wasn't terrible; he didn't run out of things to say and there was never an awkward silence moment. While I could tell he was incredibly smart, I knew that he lacked a certain coolness factor that would ever make me want to hang out with him socially. I was determined to simply enjoy my wine and be home before bedtime and just make the best of it.
From my vantage point, I could see onto the street and found some entertainment in watching people walk by, commenting on anyone of interest. Little did I know that someone of interest would be walking by with his new lady friend. Remember the checklist guy from my intro? Yep, the one who had everything I thought I'd want in a suitor. Well, he happened to walk by and look into this tiny place just as I was looking out. We made eye contact. Prolonged eye contact, long enough for his face to go pale for a moment then have him promptly compose himself as if nothing happened. He then entered the restaurant with his lady and I slightly turned expecting some sort of civil acknowledgement (tiny wave, head nod, something). He did none of those things. He instead looked straight past me and walked to the hostess stand where they were then sat with another couple. I was pissed.
I wasn't hoping for some grand conversation or even a 'hello', but would have hoped for some courtesy at his age and apparent level of sophistication. Of course I told my date about this because I was clearly flustered. I give him credit for suggesting us getting a drink elsewhere, but my pride wouldn't let me leave my post (or the idea of resetting the date clock). I stuck it out and finished my date knowing that in no way did the (lack of) encounter influence my opinion of my date. He gave me the most awkward hug when we parted and I proceeded to delete his number as I walked to my car.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Things Could Have Gone Better
A last minute location change led my date to an Irish bar where only beer would be appropriate. Little did I know that this was actually a great thing as I could zip through a pint and be on my merry way.
I catch a lot of slack for saying this, but I think you can tell chemistry within a minute or two of meeting someone. I almost would like a 5 minute pre-date meeting outside to determine if I'd actually want to go inside for a drink! It'd save me time and my date a little money. Ever the good Samaritan over here.
Needless to say, when my date arrived, I knew there would be no romance to be had. I always attempt to establish a level of ease and comfort on a first date because it tends to relax both parties. Unfortunately, it did none of those things for my date. He seemed a little high strung like he was all "jacked up on Mountain Dew" so I countered with a quaalude-like countenance hoping to bring him down a few notches. Mission: failed.
He was almost impossible to converse with as he'd ask questions, sort of wait for an answer, then move on to a completely different topic. I asked where he lived and his point of reference was Excalibur (yes, THAT former nightclub in Chicago). He also told me that he had a really late weekend which I found out translated to going home at sunrise. His night consisted of DJ scenes and underground clubs then some artist's loft party while the "energy was really good". I'm going to translate that to mean he was probably on drugs. Seeing as I have an 8:30pm bedtime and don't partake in those activities, I knew this wasn't going to work.
I tried asking about his job (yep, sign of death) and he could barely articulate more than "real estate". I then asked about his commute to work west of the city and suggested he could take the bus. Little did I know that "bus" was some sort of trigger word. "I think the buses here are pretty reliable. I don't take the bus, but I don't know why. I mean I hear lots of people take the bus and they don't have a problem. but they breakdown, but I haven't been on one that's broken down, but I don't take the bus a lot. I hear that 1-4 buses breaks down every day." WOW. I'm pretty sure I had the most blank expression at this point because 1. he didn't take a breath and 2. who has that must to say about bus transportation?
The bar was pretty empty aside from another couple on a first date and a very drunk older woman (Jane) who only wanted some "conversation". Thank goodness Jane was there for some pure people-watching goodness so I used her as an excuse to discontinue all other topics of conversation. He was not amused. I finished my beer as the timer hit the hour and he begrudgingly offered to pay. The bill was $12; the credit card minimum was $15. He gave the bartender a bill and then looked over assuring me that he was not trying to impress me. Don't worry, I haven't been impressed.
The other couple also didn't have 2nd date potential and we mutually agreed that first dates are terrible. Swipe, delete number. Moving on.
I catch a lot of slack for saying this, but I think you can tell chemistry within a minute or two of meeting someone. I almost would like a 5 minute pre-date meeting outside to determine if I'd actually want to go inside for a drink! It'd save me time and my date a little money. Ever the good Samaritan over here.
Needless to say, when my date arrived, I knew there would be no romance to be had. I always attempt to establish a level of ease and comfort on a first date because it tends to relax both parties. Unfortunately, it did none of those things for my date. He seemed a little high strung like he was all "jacked up on Mountain Dew" so I countered with a quaalude-like countenance hoping to bring him down a few notches. Mission: failed.
He was almost impossible to converse with as he'd ask questions, sort of wait for an answer, then move on to a completely different topic. I asked where he lived and his point of reference was Excalibur (yes, THAT former nightclub in Chicago). He also told me that he had a really late weekend which I found out translated to going home at sunrise. His night consisted of DJ scenes and underground clubs then some artist's loft party while the "energy was really good". I'm going to translate that to mean he was probably on drugs. Seeing as I have an 8:30pm bedtime and don't partake in those activities, I knew this wasn't going to work.
I tried asking about his job (yep, sign of death) and he could barely articulate more than "real estate". I then asked about his commute to work west of the city and suggested he could take the bus. Little did I know that "bus" was some sort of trigger word. "I think the buses here are pretty reliable. I don't take the bus, but I don't know why. I mean I hear lots of people take the bus and they don't have a problem. but they breakdown, but I haven't been on one that's broken down, but I don't take the bus a lot. I hear that 1-4 buses breaks down every day." WOW. I'm pretty sure I had the most blank expression at this point because 1. he didn't take a breath and 2. who has that must to say about bus transportation?
The bar was pretty empty aside from another couple on a first date and a very drunk older woman (Jane) who only wanted some "conversation". Thank goodness Jane was there for some pure people-watching goodness so I used her as an excuse to discontinue all other topics of conversation. He was not amused. I finished my beer as the timer hit the hour and he begrudgingly offered to pay. The bill was $12; the credit card minimum was $15. He gave the bartender a bill and then looked over assuring me that he was not trying to impress me. Don't worry, I haven't been impressed.
The other couple also didn't have 2nd date potential and we mutually agreed that first dates are terrible. Swipe, delete number. Moving on.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Ron Weasley Is Totally My Type
I may or may not have a thing for gingers*. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I don't know when this condition started, but I find myself gravitating to the freckly, paler gentlemen. Maybe this is my subconscious trying to relive my college days when I dated a very handsome ginger (for 5 years, mind you).
Upon my return to match, I possibly did a search for men with "auburn/red" hair. Believe it or not, several single gingers do exist! I reached out to one and after some obligatory back and forth email, we decided to meet up.
I suggested lunchtime sushi to see if he was a diverse eater (he's from Kentucky so there was a question) and he happily agreed. On our walk there, I mentioned a Michelan-starred sushi restaurant in his neighbor to which he replied, "what does that mean." Ok, Mr.Kentucky wasn't so much of a foodie as he simply liked to eat; I tried not to let this affect my judgment for the rest of the date (I can be a bit of a food snob). We continued walking and the conversation was easy flowing. He talked a lot, refreshing, and even made some jokes so I rested easy knowing that lunch would be bearable.
He chose not to get the lunch special (absurd since a bento box is the best) and we continued to make small talk. I found out he was an attorney, but stuck to my rules of not asking too many work questions. Work questions are a last resort boring topic when you can't find anything else to talk about. I also had limited knowledge of him going into the date so I had plenty to ask him back. He, on the other hand, outdid any man I've ever dated in the question department. He even outdid my bestie who can acquire a SSN within 5 minutes of meeting you!
I got to talk about myself for most of the time though found it difficult to extract any information from him in return. How did you meet your friends? "Oh, you know, the usual ways."
I did, however, enjoy the date. When we left the restaurant, I wasn't opposed to a second date and he asked me out for the coming week.
Come day before date, I texted confirming our plans. He replied, "sorry, I can't tomorrow" and neglected to suggest an alternate date. Hmm...odd. I left it alone. I did not hear from again.
Damn you, Ron Weasley!
*is "ginger" politically correct? or do they prefer a different classification?
***update: have heard from several red-headed friends and they are ok with the term "ginger"***
Upon my return to match, I possibly did a search for men with "auburn/red" hair. Believe it or not, several single gingers do exist! I reached out to one and after some obligatory back and forth email, we decided to meet up.
I suggested lunchtime sushi to see if he was a diverse eater (he's from Kentucky so there was a question) and he happily agreed. On our walk there, I mentioned a Michelan-starred sushi restaurant in his neighbor to which he replied, "what does that mean." Ok, Mr.Kentucky wasn't so much of a foodie as he simply liked to eat; I tried not to let this affect my judgment for the rest of the date (I can be a bit of a food snob). We continued walking and the conversation was easy flowing. He talked a lot, refreshing, and even made some jokes so I rested easy knowing that lunch would be bearable.
He chose not to get the lunch special (absurd since a bento box is the best) and we continued to make small talk. I found out he was an attorney, but stuck to my rules of not asking too many work questions. Work questions are a last resort boring topic when you can't find anything else to talk about. I also had limited knowledge of him going into the date so I had plenty to ask him back. He, on the other hand, outdid any man I've ever dated in the question department. He even outdid my bestie who can acquire a SSN within 5 minutes of meeting you!
I got to talk about myself for most of the time though found it difficult to extract any information from him in return. How did you meet your friends? "Oh, you know, the usual ways."
I did, however, enjoy the date. When we left the restaurant, I wasn't opposed to a second date and he asked me out for the coming week.
Come day before date, I texted confirming our plans. He replied, "sorry, I can't tomorrow" and neglected to suggest an alternate date. Hmm...odd. I left it alone. I did not hear from again.
Damn you, Ron Weasley!
*is "ginger" politically correct? or do they prefer a different classification?
***update: have heard from several red-headed friends and they are ok with the term "ginger"***
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Intro Emails: The Highlights
As far as emails go, the one or two word emails don't typically register on my radar. Usually, the tiny picture is enough to turn me off and I hit delete as quickly as possible.
There are, however, some opening emails that are just too good not to share.
This one from a "realguy":
"Mother Nature really did it right, cant imagine how many messages u get, although I had two in the same day once If u have a lunch cancelation please put my name on the waiting list. Honestly, not exactly sure what I am looking for in a relationship, but it would be really neat if it looks like you. Have a great day.............."
The man who hates punctuation as much as he hates shirt sleeves:
"Hi how are you my name is Joey I like your profile very nice hope u have a great night"
The English is a 2nd language suitor:
"I think you were born in England. Lol You seem very nice looking to make a new friend. Love to travel many countries to see with Italy being my next choice. I have been to England and loved it. Glad you are so involved with your sports activities makes you so alive. Let me know if this makes any sense. Thanks, Jasn"
No, Jasn, that did not make sense. Also, when did England become so funny? LOL.
This one did not ask if he made any sense, but it was definitely in question:
"Hi good morning I am here writing to you I read your profile and watch your photos . during these days, I found waiting for me any communication with you Her life is very interesting and it has several virtues I hope soon greet . Skipe = isid***** . FACEBOK = conta****"
I'm giving him the benefit of being drunk as he was typing it. I'm a bit concerned that he is currently stalking me.
And another:
"What do you work?"
Hmm, what do I work? I work the outdated keyboard of a Dell Latitude. What about you?
As entertaining as those emails can be. nothing quite compares to your winner of all winners for the most unique and lengthy intro. And for that ***Monkey (user name filtered to protect the guilty), I thank you.
"Please accept this introduction as it is meant; as an acknowledgment of your natural stunning beauty and an appreciation for your clever profile. Excuse the glum look in my profile picture as the flash from the digital kept lighting up the mirror and blinding me in the process.
Your positively absolutely stunningly beautiful smile and engaging profile captivated my attention. Even though I am a more older gentleman and Extremely Average Joe Palooka I wanted to introduce myself to one of the more natural beautiful ladies on the site. My name is ***** and am a smart, sophisticated, educated, intelligent, passionate, romantic, sensual Italian American professional gentleman. I have a wide variety of interests and activities that include live music and playing guitar, hiking, biking, animals, museums, good books, board games, stimulating conversation, sporting events, blues jazz rock, fine wine and dirty martinis, scotch whiskey, provoking movies, and practicing the long lost art of passionate kissing. IF you are open to being neighborly and corresponding with me then I would love to hear from you. Serious Romance, Passionate Pleasing, and Extreme Serious Spoiling Available upon request. Ciao........"
I cannot do any better. I hope I've answered at least some of your questions as to why I'm still single. Seriously? With those gems out there?
There are, however, some opening emails that are just too good not to share.
This one from a "realguy":
"Mother Nature really did it right, cant imagine how many messages u get, although I had two in the same day once If u have a lunch cancelation please put my name on the waiting list. Honestly, not exactly sure what I am looking for in a relationship, but it would be really neat if it looks like you. Have a great day.............."
"Hi how are you my name is Joey I like your profile very nice hope u have a great night"
The English is a 2nd language suitor:
"I think you were born in England. Lol You seem very nice looking to make a new friend. Love to travel many countries to see with Italy being my next choice. I have been to England and loved it. Glad you are so involved with your sports activities makes you so alive. Let me know if this makes any sense. Thanks, Jasn"
No, Jasn, that did not make sense. Also, when did England become so funny? LOL.
This one did not ask if he made any sense, but it was definitely in question:
"Hi good morning I am here writing to you I read your profile and watch your photos . during these days, I found waiting for me any communication with you Her life is very interesting and it has several virtues I hope soon greet . Skipe = isid***** . FACEBOK = conta****"
I'm giving him the benefit of being drunk as he was typing it. I'm a bit concerned that he is currently stalking me.
And another:
"What do you work?"
Hmm, what do I work? I work the outdated keyboard of a Dell Latitude. What about you?
As entertaining as those emails can be. nothing quite compares to your winner of all winners for the most unique and lengthy intro. And for that ***Monkey (user name filtered to protect the guilty), I thank you.
"Please accept this introduction as it is meant; as an acknowledgment of your natural stunning beauty and an appreciation for your clever profile. Excuse the glum look in my profile picture as the flash from the digital kept lighting up the mirror and blinding me in the process.
Your positively absolutely stunningly beautiful smile and engaging profile captivated my attention. Even though I am a more older gentleman and Extremely Average Joe Palooka I wanted to introduce myself to one of the more natural beautiful ladies on the site. My name is ***** and am a smart, sophisticated, educated, intelligent, passionate, romantic, sensual Italian American professional gentleman. I have a wide variety of interests and activities that include live music and playing guitar, hiking, biking, animals, museums, good books, board games, stimulating conversation, sporting events, blues jazz rock, fine wine and dirty martinis, scotch whiskey, provoking movies, and practicing the long lost art of passionate kissing. IF you are open to being neighborly and corresponding with me then I would love to hear from you. Serious Romance, Passionate Pleasing, and Extreme Serious Spoiling Available upon request. Ciao........"
I cannot do any better. I hope I've answered at least some of your questions as to why I'm still single. Seriously? With those gems out there?
Monday, December 7, 2015
Do Better, Gentlemen.
While I only post about dates I've actually been on, I have plenty of highlights from my adventures in online dating. Having read Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance, I really agree that poor communication is a sign of my generation. How am I supposed to gain any insight from intro emails that simply say "sup" or "beautiful" or "hey"?
Yes, writing those emails is the absolute worst. How the heck are you supposed to instantly grab someone's attention and then have them want to write back when today's man can barely use punctuation in a text message? Don't get me started on the your/you're/ur usage.
I also have to take these pathetic casts with a grain of salt as several of the men lack high school diplomas so I can't expect Shakespearean quality.
Recently, I received the following:
Hi there
Yep, that's all there is to it. I clicked on this man's profile to find him a well-educated, successful 45 year old man. Are you kidding me?? I really pegged my generation as hopeless, seeking only older, wiser, more experienced men in my current dating pool. A man more than 10 years senior, however? Well, there must be no hope left at all. I was so heated by this (I know, Idina Menzel would tell me to let it go) that I just had to respond.
I thought it was only my generation that was hopeless with communication, but you've proved that that it spans years.
Is "hi there" the best opener you could have made?
He didn't respond and I didn't expect him to. Maybe he was embarrassed that he's being called out for his laziness. I actually wanted him to somewhat defend his position. Not saying it would have resulted in a date, but I would have liked to know that there's a man of substance behind the "hi there".
Has the digital age retarded our communication abilities?
As my best guy friend would say, "We've got to do better, gentlemen."
Has the digital age retarded our communication abilities?
As my best guy friend would say, "We've got to do better, gentlemen."
Thursday, December 3, 2015
You're so...Vanilla
After ole toothy, I gave myself some time to find a guy who didn't make me cringe in-person.
My next date was with a man so clean-cut that I knew good orthodontia was a given. I checked every one of his pictures to count all of his teeth, measure any gaps, and spot any sunglasses. He made the cut.
He seemed quite nice from initial interactions and I made sure to limit any texts to coordinating plans. I've learned my lesson that over-communication can lead to inflated expectations which ultimately lead to utter disappointment. I had zero details going into this one. He was, however, never married. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf?
We planned to meet for a happy hour drink which assured me I'd be home and in bed by 9pm. I was running late due to traffic and promptly texted him apologizing. Being a gentleman, he waited outside of the establishment until I arrived very stressed 10 minutes late. He gave me an awesome hug which allowed me to relax and settle into the date. I was still a bit of a mess (can't stand being late) so I speed talked until I had that first sip of wine. I had a feeling I'd be carrying the weight of conversation, but he was pretty so I didn't mind much. In addition, he had some great fucking teeth so if I needed a break in convo, I'd just admire his orthodontist's handiwork. Is it weird to say that I also thought he had very nice lips? Not in the overly girly way, just saying man knows his way around some chapstick.
Aside from his face, I didn't find him to be a man of much interest. I strayed from work questions because frankly, I don't care that much and tried to find some spark in our conversation. The closest we got was talking about his college life as a water polo player and I had all sorts of questions. None of these led to any real chemistry and I was beginning to see that my pretty boyfriend and our beautiful children would never be.
I asked him about traveling and his friends seemed to be all the excitement in that circle; I think his liveliest self came out while reminiscing about his friends' stories. I was feeling very much Danny Zuko to his Sandy which could partly be due to my leather-like pants in contrast to his button-up shirt tucked into jeans. I commented that his friends seemed more like the risk-takers and he said that he rarely gets the chance to be himself. I suggested we be ourselves for the remainder of the date and not do the 1st-date-filter. I remained on my best behavior because Sandra Dee would not be able to handle me and he acted more of the same.
While he was nothing but nice and quite cute, he had no edge or spark or je ne sais quoi. He walked me to my uber and left me with another great hug. At least he had that going for him. Plus the great teeth.
My next date was with a man so clean-cut that I knew good orthodontia was a given. I checked every one of his pictures to count all of his teeth, measure any gaps, and spot any sunglasses. He made the cut.
He seemed quite nice from initial interactions and I made sure to limit any texts to coordinating plans. I've learned my lesson that over-communication can lead to inflated expectations which ultimately lead to utter disappointment. I had zero details going into this one. He was, however, never married. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf?
We planned to meet for a happy hour drink which assured me I'd be home and in bed by 9pm. I was running late due to traffic and promptly texted him apologizing. Being a gentleman, he waited outside of the establishment until I arrived very stressed 10 minutes late. He gave me an awesome hug which allowed me to relax and settle into the date. I was still a bit of a mess (can't stand being late) so I speed talked until I had that first sip of wine. I had a feeling I'd be carrying the weight of conversation, but he was pretty so I didn't mind much. In addition, he had some great fucking teeth so if I needed a break in convo, I'd just admire his orthodontist's handiwork. Is it weird to say that I also thought he had very nice lips? Not in the overly girly way, just saying man knows his way around some chapstick.
Aside from his face, I didn't find him to be a man of much interest. I strayed from work questions because frankly, I don't care that much and tried to find some spark in our conversation. The closest we got was talking about his college life as a water polo player and I had all sorts of questions. None of these led to any real chemistry and I was beginning to see that my pretty boyfriend and our beautiful children would never be.
I asked him about traveling and his friends seemed to be all the excitement in that circle; I think his liveliest self came out while reminiscing about his friends' stories. I was feeling very much Danny Zuko to his Sandy which could partly be due to my leather-like pants in contrast to his button-up shirt tucked into jeans. I commented that his friends seemed more like the risk-takers and he said that he rarely gets the chance to be himself. I suggested we be ourselves for the remainder of the date and not do the 1st-date-filter. I remained on my best behavior because Sandra Dee would not be able to handle me and he acted more of the same.
While he was nothing but nice and quite cute, he had no edge or spark or je ne sais quoi. He walked me to my uber and left me with another great hug. At least he had that going for him. Plus the great teeth.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Back In The Saddle
After another unceremonious breakup (don't even know how you can be dumped by someone you aren't dating exclusively), I decided to check out what match had to offer. I hadn't logged on in over a month so my active time was brief. The next morning I had multiple emails which I'm guessing were triggered by some fancy match algorithm letting the masses know I was back into the game.
One fella, divorced (of course), reached out and we had a few friendly emails. He was nothing to write home about in the looks department, but the tiny picture appearing next to his emails gave me hope. This is a warning for those looking to date online. Never trust a main picture donned in sunglasses.
He asked me out in the coming day and I figured I had nothing to lose; it'd be a way for me to get back into that first date mode. He texted me that entire day and I was surprised to enjoy the interaction. Somewhere in those messages I asked if he looked like his pictures to which he replied, "I look exactly like my pictures." Hmm, why didn't I heed the warning? Maybe his willingness to respond to texts had lulled me in a false sense of comfort. He had asked me to name my top 3 deal-breakers (only 3!) on a date to which I replied (in this order), bad teeth, ignorance, bad manners. I thought it was an interesting icebreaker and don't think I reciprocated the question.
By the end of the day, I was really looking forward to our date and had mentioned it to a friend that night. She then inquired as to why he got divorced so I decided to text him and see. This is not something I would typically do. Especially before a first date! But I recalled him mentioning that he was open to all lines of questioning so I went for it.
Then I received the 30-something divorced man scripted response.
"We dated for awhile before getting married. In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have gotten married. We fell out of love. There was no more romance in the relationship. We left it on good terms. I'm still friends with her now. There isn't any awkwardness. The divorce was easy." and so on and so forth.
Heck, at this point, I could even catfish someone into thinking I'm a divorced man based on my experience with these responses. (Yes, Bradley Cooper of prior post had said the same thing on one of our earlier dates).
I looked at my friend and pleaded for her to agree that I should run in the other direction. I'm pretty sure this was the universe testing me. She didn't, however, tell me to run. She convinced me to at least go on the date.
We texted a few times the day of and I remember mentioning that I hoped his text personality would translate into real life (it usually doesn't). This time was no different. Credit should be due for him doing the cab pick-up on the way to get a drink (manners). The second I saw him at my door, however, I was crestfallen. You know better than to buy into a sunglasses pic! He was not cute. Not at all. Not remotely, and the whole cab pick-up scenario was now biting me in the ass. Nowhere to run.
I put on my big girl pants and mustered the courage to go have a drink (all the while hoping I'd see no one I knew). The single glass of wine was painful as faking it is not my forte.
Flashback to my dealbreakers... he lied and told me his teeth were great. They were not. He had a set of widespread snaggleteeth and I couldn't help but stare. He also talked and chewed with his mouth half-open thereby putting said teeth on full display. I'm sure my disgust was evident. Does this guy floss with pipecleaners??
I finally came out and told him that that we had no sexual chemistry and thanked him for the drink. HE then thanked ME for my honesty and was glad I didn't drag in on for a month before telling him. Again, shock. In what world would I drag on another drink let alone a whole month of dating before breaking the news that I found him kind of gross??
He wasn't a bad guy, just not for me. I learned that while I needed to get back into dating, I needed to remain a bit more picky with potential suitors.
Those teeth.
One fella, divorced (of course), reached out and we had a few friendly emails. He was nothing to write home about in the looks department, but the tiny picture appearing next to his emails gave me hope. This is a warning for those looking to date online. Never trust a main picture donned in sunglasses.
He asked me out in the coming day and I figured I had nothing to lose; it'd be a way for me to get back into that first date mode. He texted me that entire day and I was surprised to enjoy the interaction. Somewhere in those messages I asked if he looked like his pictures to which he replied, "I look exactly like my pictures." Hmm, why didn't I heed the warning? Maybe his willingness to respond to texts had lulled me in a false sense of comfort. He had asked me to name my top 3 deal-breakers (only 3!) on a date to which I replied (in this order), bad teeth, ignorance, bad manners. I thought it was an interesting icebreaker and don't think I reciprocated the question.
By the end of the day, I was really looking forward to our date and had mentioned it to a friend that night. She then inquired as to why he got divorced so I decided to text him and see. This is not something I would typically do. Especially before a first date! But I recalled him mentioning that he was open to all lines of questioning so I went for it.
Then I received the 30-something divorced man scripted response.
"We dated for awhile before getting married. In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have gotten married. We fell out of love. There was no more romance in the relationship. We left it on good terms. I'm still friends with her now. There isn't any awkwardness. The divorce was easy." and so on and so forth.
Heck, at this point, I could even catfish someone into thinking I'm a divorced man based on my experience with these responses. (Yes, Bradley Cooper of prior post had said the same thing on one of our earlier dates).
I looked at my friend and pleaded for her to agree that I should run in the other direction. I'm pretty sure this was the universe testing me. She didn't, however, tell me to run. She convinced me to at least go on the date.
We texted a few times the day of and I remember mentioning that I hoped his text personality would translate into real life (it usually doesn't). This time was no different. Credit should be due for him doing the cab pick-up on the way to get a drink (manners). The second I saw him at my door, however, I was crestfallen. You know better than to buy into a sunglasses pic! He was not cute. Not at all. Not remotely, and the whole cab pick-up scenario was now biting me in the ass. Nowhere to run.
I put on my big girl pants and mustered the courage to go have a drink (all the while hoping I'd see no one I knew). The single glass of wine was painful as faking it is not my forte.
Flashback to my dealbreakers... he lied and told me his teeth were great. They were not. He had a set of widespread snaggleteeth and I couldn't help but stare. He also talked and chewed with his mouth half-open thereby putting said teeth on full display. I'm sure my disgust was evident. Does this guy floss with pipecleaners??
I finally came out and told him that that we had no sexual chemistry and thanked him for the drink. HE then thanked ME for my honesty and was glad I didn't drag in on for a month before telling him. Again, shock. In what world would I drag on another drink let alone a whole month of dating before breaking the news that I found him kind of gross??
He wasn't a bad guy, just not for me. I learned that while I needed to get back into dating, I needed to remain a bit more picky with potential suitors.
Those teeth.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Divorced Guys are the Worst
Yes, my blog has been on hiatus. As you might have guessed I started dating date number 8, which turned into a whole 2 months.
After realizing I liked the guy, I broached the subject of seeing only him. Though this was met with some trepidation on his part, but I was confident he'd come around. After all, I had went out with enough guys to be pretty decisive about what I wanted. We continued to see each other regularly and I was never in doubt about his sentiments toward me. I also knew that I was a great catch no matter who else he would attempt to date.
At this point, I had met several of his friends (and their girlfriends) and he had met a lot of mine. This was a thing. We even went on a dinner date where I was enjoying myself more than I have with a man since I can't even recall when. I fully let my guard down and even with his reservations, I was prepared for the high-risk/high-reward situation.
And then the whole divorced man psyche came into play. All along, he had the insecurities of other divorced men. He needed affirmation that I liked him and wanted to see him. He needed to know I didn't want to date other men. If I ever acted slightly disinterested, he'd pull away. Then one evening he told me he needed to slow things down. Fair, we were spending a lot of time together then. I probed further asking him to clarify what that meant and if I should stop making plans. He replied, "No, you should still make plans. I just want to go slower." Fine. I'm okay with that.
I let him talk for what seemed like a good hour with little response as I inched up my emotional wall. He had never been a good communicator and listening to him explain what the fuck he meant by "taking it slow" was a bit torturous. He finally ended the conversation with, "I really like you and I don't want to mess this up so I need to take it slower."
My response? "Well why didn't you just say that in the beginning??"
He thought he did.
After I left in the morning, my guard was firmly planted. I was heading out of town for the next few weekends and knew the space he needed would be built it. I refrained from texting while I was away and looked forward to seeing him when I returned.
We finally had our next date and it was nothing less than awkward. His greeting was cold and I was sensitive to the fact that he might not like me. I, of course, countered with my own weird demeanor as I still had no idea how to define "slow". The next two hours seemed to drag on till he finally called the date and said there was no chance of recovering a good night. I was upset. Actually, I was pissed. I wondered if this inability to resolve conflict was a reason for divorce. Sure, it wasn't the best time, but wouldn't it be worth at least an attempt to make it better?
I heard from him sparingly the next week though he asked to see me one of the nights. The night before I get a phone call (rare) and I immediately knew he'd be cancelling. He went through a litany of reasons that we shouldn't be hanging out. It's unfair to you. You want different things. I can't be the person you need right now.
Woah, woah, woah, buddy. Where do you get off telling me what I want?? He tried to pin a lot on things I wanted though the issue was his inability to articulate what slow meant. I told him I was still unclear to which he replied, "I want to see you, but I want you to like me less." Seriously? Who actually sets that as an expectation? Additionally, when I did like him less, he got all weird. You can't have it both ways! I finally told him that if he didn't want to date me, he needed to simply state that and not try to involve my motivations in the process. He responded saying that's exactly what he was doing. *sigh*
I ended our conversation saying, "so how should I respond to this? Did you expect me to cry?"
He was relieved I didn't. I mean crying must have been on the table due to my undying love for him.
Divorced guys and mixed signals are synonymous. And that's when Bradley Cooper got hit by a bus.
After realizing I liked the guy, I broached the subject of seeing only him. Though this was met with some trepidation on his part, but I was confident he'd come around. After all, I had went out with enough guys to be pretty decisive about what I wanted. We continued to see each other regularly and I was never in doubt about his sentiments toward me. I also knew that I was a great catch no matter who else he would attempt to date.
At this point, I had met several of his friends (and their girlfriends) and he had met a lot of mine. This was a thing. We even went on a dinner date where I was enjoying myself more than I have with a man since I can't even recall when. I fully let my guard down and even with his reservations, I was prepared for the high-risk/high-reward situation.
And then the whole divorced man psyche came into play. All along, he had the insecurities of other divorced men. He needed affirmation that I liked him and wanted to see him. He needed to know I didn't want to date other men. If I ever acted slightly disinterested, he'd pull away. Then one evening he told me he needed to slow things down. Fair, we were spending a lot of time together then. I probed further asking him to clarify what that meant and if I should stop making plans. He replied, "No, you should still make plans. I just want to go slower." Fine. I'm okay with that.
I let him talk for what seemed like a good hour with little response as I inched up my emotional wall. He had never been a good communicator and listening to him explain what the fuck he meant by "taking it slow" was a bit torturous. He finally ended the conversation with, "I really like you and I don't want to mess this up so I need to take it slower."
My response? "Well why didn't you just say that in the beginning??"
He thought he did.
After I left in the morning, my guard was firmly planted. I was heading out of town for the next few weekends and knew the space he needed would be built it. I refrained from texting while I was away and looked forward to seeing him when I returned.
We finally had our next date and it was nothing less than awkward. His greeting was cold and I was sensitive to the fact that he might not like me. I, of course, countered with my own weird demeanor as I still had no idea how to define "slow". The next two hours seemed to drag on till he finally called the date and said there was no chance of recovering a good night. I was upset. Actually, I was pissed. I wondered if this inability to resolve conflict was a reason for divorce. Sure, it wasn't the best time, but wouldn't it be worth at least an attempt to make it better?
I heard from him sparingly the next week though he asked to see me one of the nights. The night before I get a phone call (rare) and I immediately knew he'd be cancelling. He went through a litany of reasons that we shouldn't be hanging out. It's unfair to you. You want different things. I can't be the person you need right now.
Woah, woah, woah, buddy. Where do you get off telling me what I want?? He tried to pin a lot on things I wanted though the issue was his inability to articulate what slow meant. I told him I was still unclear to which he replied, "I want to see you, but I want you to like me less." Seriously? Who actually sets that as an expectation? Additionally, when I did like him less, he got all weird. You can't have it both ways! I finally told him that if he didn't want to date me, he needed to simply state that and not try to involve my motivations in the process. He responded saying that's exactly what he was doing. *sigh*
I ended our conversation saying, "so how should I respond to this? Did you expect me to cry?"
He was relieved I didn't. I mean crying must have been on the table due to my undying love for him.
Divorced guys and mixed signals are synonymous. And that's when Bradley Cooper got hit by a bus.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
My Boyfriend's Back
...at least the only man who'd even be in the running for that title.
He texted me the day he got back and we made plans for the weekend. I was disappointed to have a pretty busy week and counted down the days until I got to see him.
We had Saturday dinner plans though I hoped I'd get to see him Friday too. With the Cubs in the playoffs, I met some friends to watch the game Friday night and texted with the guy. He was helping his mom watch his niece and nephew and I think I swooned. Post-bedtime, I asked if I could convince him to meet us out since we were in his neck of the woods. My friends were blog followers so they had background up till date 3 and were curious to meet the man. I was nervous to introduce him to another friend(s). Unfortunately, one of the couples left before he arrived so there was less of a crowd to meet him. He kissed me in front of my friends and it didn't feel like he'd been gone for almost two weeks.
My friend's boyfriend chatted happily about his alma mater and my fella laughed at our conversations. I was really happy to have him there. There are few times when a guy will openly go to meet a girl's friends. I appreciated that. I picked his drink (accurately) and we had a couple more before heading home. Yes, another sleepover. I hadn't seen him in two weeks!
The following day left me incredibly drained and the late coaching day plus late dinner reservation was a struggle. I made myself pretty and got a text that he was already at the restaurant. Wait, what? He wasn't going to pick me up? I was ripe to be annoyed having little sleep and a hangry attitude. Then the Uber driver did laps around the restaurant. I was coming in hot.
I was definitely irritable when I saw him, but knew I had no intention of ruining this date. I vented for a bit and explained my state, then ordered a glass of wine as quickly as possible. I tried to be on my best behavior and not let my unrelated frustrations get to me (this is a big step for me) and enjoyed just being with him. He joked with me and we fell back into our dinner routine. The food didn't meet my culinary standards, but didn't ruin my night as it could usually do. We finished up and he suggested we meet up with another one of his friends, if I was up for it. Another friend? Yes.
We met his friend at bar near my house and the three of us instantly had a comfortable rapport. His friend was a smartass, which I enjoyed, and called me out on things almost immediately. I certainly understood the friendship. We shared a cab to another location (going with the flow here) and I had a great time on the ride. We arrived to meet some of their female high school friends and I started chatting away with one of them. After a while, she looked at me and said, I like you so much better than his ex-wife. I couldn't pay her enough to make that statement. She proceeded to tell my guy as well who was rightfully taken aback by the random comment. I smiled smugly. Better than the ex already? Who wouldn't be excited about that?
He and I called it a fairly early night and went back to his house. We listened to fantastic music and just enjoyed each other's company. I left the next morning certain that I liked this guy.
He texted me the day he got back and we made plans for the weekend. I was disappointed to have a pretty busy week and counted down the days until I got to see him.
We had Saturday dinner plans though I hoped I'd get to see him Friday too. With the Cubs in the playoffs, I met some friends to watch the game Friday night and texted with the guy. He was helping his mom watch his niece and nephew and I think I swooned. Post-bedtime, I asked if I could convince him to meet us out since we were in his neck of the woods. My friends were blog followers so they had background up till date 3 and were curious to meet the man. I was nervous to introduce him to another friend(s). Unfortunately, one of the couples left before he arrived so there was less of a crowd to meet him. He kissed me in front of my friends and it didn't feel like he'd been gone for almost two weeks.
My friend's boyfriend chatted happily about his alma mater and my fella laughed at our conversations. I was really happy to have him there. There are few times when a guy will openly go to meet a girl's friends. I appreciated that. I picked his drink (accurately) and we had a couple more before heading home. Yes, another sleepover. I hadn't seen him in two weeks!
The following day left me incredibly drained and the late coaching day plus late dinner reservation was a struggle. I made myself pretty and got a text that he was already at the restaurant. Wait, what? He wasn't going to pick me up? I was ripe to be annoyed having little sleep and a hangry attitude. Then the Uber driver did laps around the restaurant. I was coming in hot.
I was definitely irritable when I saw him, but knew I had no intention of ruining this date. I vented for a bit and explained my state, then ordered a glass of wine as quickly as possible. I tried to be on my best behavior and not let my unrelated frustrations get to me (this is a big step for me) and enjoyed just being with him. He joked with me and we fell back into our dinner routine. The food didn't meet my culinary standards, but didn't ruin my night as it could usually do. We finished up and he suggested we meet up with another one of his friends, if I was up for it. Another friend? Yes.
We met his friend at bar near my house and the three of us instantly had a comfortable rapport. His friend was a smartass, which I enjoyed, and called me out on things almost immediately. I certainly understood the friendship. We shared a cab to another location (going with the flow here) and I had a great time on the ride. We arrived to meet some of their female high school friends and I started chatting away with one of them. After a while, she looked at me and said, I like you so much better than his ex-wife. I couldn't pay her enough to make that statement. She proceeded to tell my guy as well who was rightfully taken aback by the random comment. I smiled smugly. Better than the ex already? Who wouldn't be excited about that?
He and I called it a fairly early night and went back to his house. We listened to fantastic music and just enjoyed each other's company. I left the next morning certain that I liked this guy.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
A Picture's Worth a Thousand
Truth be told, I was still thinking about date 5 guy throughout the week. He was traveling Europe and continued to send me occasional texts and updates. He was at Oktoberfest which I both respected and envied. I see you, bucketlist.
I was still bothered by the other dates and knew I had to get another one under my belt before he returned. This guy was very attractive in his photos and seemed to be an active person as well. Potential. We met for some wine on a weeknight and I spotted him quickly when I walked in. Remember when I said that most of the time, the guy is NOT as attractive as his picture? Well, this was one of those instances. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't unattractive, just not the sexy representation that I was picturing. The longer the date went on, the more I found him to look like an owl with narrow set eyes and a pointy nose. I thought it at least three times. Not promising.
This was another slow conversation start that did not find its momentum. He talked about rock climbing and running and told me that he was "too active" to really be great at climbing. I know he didn't intend that to sound pretentious, but seriously? I tried to laugh with him/at him about it, but his sense of humor left something to be desired. You should never be struggling to laugh on a date. Also, date 5. Yes, he was on my mind. Yes, he makes me laugh every time I see him.
I diverted the conversation to a mutual topic, match, and proceeded to discuss our experiences. He told me that his family pressures him to find someone, but he never finds the time to date. That was an easy read; he never makes the time to date. I went on to share my autistic lawyer date because that's always a hit. He was actually amused by it and tried to make a later joke referring to his own genitalia. FAIL. Cringe-worthy. Also, I gathered this guy had little awareness to figure out that I don't exactly rejoice when men talk about their nethers on a first date. I still had half a glass of precious wine to finish so I continued on the date. You weren't expecting me to leave the wine, were you?
We moved to the warmer inside of the bar and were accompanied by a baseball game in the background. Alright, this is something we could talk about. He told me he didn't like watching baseball and preferred to go to a game (I can understand that). He then elaborated saying that his neighbor doesn't come by with a metal hot dog pan selling miller lites when he's watching baseball at home. Sort of following. Then qualifies that it would be awkward if he did.
Me: More awkward than I feel hearing you tell that story?
I said that out loud. I saw his face fall. It was a really terrible tidbit. I just couldn't let that slide.
In spite of my snarky comment, he still drove me home and even opened the car door. Thank you.
I hoped he wouldn't text me. He didn't. I'm okay with that.
I was still bothered by the other dates and knew I had to get another one under my belt before he returned. This guy was very attractive in his photos and seemed to be an active person as well. Potential. We met for some wine on a weeknight and I spotted him quickly when I walked in. Remember when I said that most of the time, the guy is NOT as attractive as his picture? Well, this was one of those instances. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't unattractive, just not the sexy representation that I was picturing. The longer the date went on, the more I found him to look like an owl with narrow set eyes and a pointy nose. I thought it at least three times. Not promising.
This was another slow conversation start that did not find its momentum. He talked about rock climbing and running and told me that he was "too active" to really be great at climbing. I know he didn't intend that to sound pretentious, but seriously? I tried to laugh with him/at him about it, but his sense of humor left something to be desired. You should never be struggling to laugh on a date. Also, date 5. Yes, he was on my mind. Yes, he makes me laugh every time I see him.
I diverted the conversation to a mutual topic, match, and proceeded to discuss our experiences. He told me that his family pressures him to find someone, but he never finds the time to date. That was an easy read; he never makes the time to date. I went on to share my autistic lawyer date because that's always a hit. He was actually amused by it and tried to make a later joke referring to his own genitalia. FAIL. Cringe-worthy. Also, I gathered this guy had little awareness to figure out that I don't exactly rejoice when men talk about their nethers on a first date. I still had half a glass of precious wine to finish so I continued on the date. You weren't expecting me to leave the wine, were you?
We moved to the warmer inside of the bar and were accompanied by a baseball game in the background. Alright, this is something we could talk about. He told me he didn't like watching baseball and preferred to go to a game (I can understand that). He then elaborated saying that his neighbor doesn't come by with a metal hot dog pan selling miller lites when he's watching baseball at home. Sort of following. Then qualifies that it would be awkward if he did.
Me: More awkward than I feel hearing you tell that story?
I said that out loud. I saw his face fall. It was a really terrible tidbit. I just couldn't let that slide.
In spite of my snarky comment, he still drove me home and even opened the car door. Thank you.
I hoped he wouldn't text me. He didn't. I'm okay with that.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Random People Are Hard to Find
I had a buddy of mine read my blog recently.
His response, "I hope you never go on a second date so I can keep reading these.
JK your eggs are freezing. I hope you find the checklist man ASAP!"
Those two lines pretty much sum up my feelings about this blog. After date 5's revelations, I needed to get back into first date mode. I texted a guy from match (we'd be going back and forth rescheduling dates) and set-up something for the following day. Once again, I did little research on the guy, but assumed he'd either be super douchey or a complete asshole from his pictures. Set the bar low.
We met for a dinner date, which I usually try to avoid, but a girl's got to eat! He arrived early (well done) and I instantly recognized him at the bar.
He was impeccably dressed (dare I say more so than I)which I appreciated; he was even wearing a jacket and pocket square. I'm telling you, gentlemen, put some effort into your appearance as it truly does go a long way. Aside from him clothes, he also had really nice skin. I've been toying with the Botox idea so I'm constantly checking out other people's wrinkles and I'm pretty sure he wasn't a newcomer.
We had a pre-dinner drink at the bar and slowly worked through our conversation. We discussed our days, both of which included working out, and then he mentioned the C word. Crossfit. Oh, you took your first class today? Oh, where did you go? Oh, MY FUCKING GYM?!? Slight panic ensued. I'm all for a guy trying out a new gym. I even encourage more guys to try crossfit. I do not, however, choose to shit where I sleep. Although I frequent a male-heavy hour at the gym, I never consider dating any of them because I wouldn't want to ruin my me-time. I told the guy that he was never, ever allowed to come at x hour because I owned it. I take these things very seriously.
We moved onto our reservation and cozied up in a corner booth. We had some things in common though as per usual, I was in the driver's seat with the conversation. I found out he'd lived abroad and had traveled throughout parts of Europe. He now owns his own company and finds himself traveling domestically and golfing frequently. I guess if I discussed his job, I was partially uninspired to ask other questions. I wouldn't mind being a golf wife. He then asked me about my job (boring) and asked me about coaching. I don't recall how I responded, but I certainly recall his follow-up.
Guy: Hey, I know this is really random, but I knew a girl who coached lacrosse. Or at least she used to.
Me: The lacrosse community is pretty small.
Guy: You might not know her. I don't remember her last name, but her first name is....
Me: Um. She and I have been coaching together for the last 10 years.
I kid you not. Apparently, she was good friends with one of his friends and they go way back to college days. I immediately texted my friend to get some recon work. I think this common connection was the true ice-breaker and I became a bit more open-minded to the whole experience. I laughed a bit more easily and enjoyed the date more.
As we were leaving, I saw a (now-married) ex leaving the restaurant at the same time. I sprinted and took my date with me. Yep, I'm a total weirdo and hate ex run-ins. He was a good sport about it and continued to walk me to my car. He kissed me goodnight, then proceeded to try to makeout with me on the street. No, thank you.
We parted ways. I got home and into bed. I get a text response from my friend.
"I think we made out once."
I text the guy. No, I wouldn't normally do that post-date, but we were awaiting this text.
He laughs and says something like it was 19 years ago.
Another text from my friend. "I'm pretty sure he's engaged."
Brilliant.
I text him to that effect.
He says he told me that he was in a very serious relationship and it's a long story. I assume he's no longer engaged.
I don't count on a second date. Dating is HARD!
His response, "I hope you never go on a second date so I can keep reading these.
JK your eggs are freezing. I hope you find the checklist man ASAP!"
Those two lines pretty much sum up my feelings about this blog. After date 5's revelations, I needed to get back into first date mode. I texted a guy from match (we'd be going back and forth rescheduling dates) and set-up something for the following day. Once again, I did little research on the guy, but assumed he'd either be super douchey or a complete asshole from his pictures. Set the bar low.
We met for a dinner date, which I usually try to avoid, but a girl's got to eat! He arrived early (well done) and I instantly recognized him at the bar.
He was impeccably dressed (dare I say more so than I)which I appreciated; he was even wearing a jacket and pocket square. I'm telling you, gentlemen, put some effort into your appearance as it truly does go a long way. Aside from him clothes, he also had really nice skin. I've been toying with the Botox idea so I'm constantly checking out other people's wrinkles and I'm pretty sure he wasn't a newcomer.
We had a pre-dinner drink at the bar and slowly worked through our conversation. We discussed our days, both of which included working out, and then he mentioned the C word. Crossfit. Oh, you took your first class today? Oh, where did you go? Oh, MY FUCKING GYM?!? Slight panic ensued. I'm all for a guy trying out a new gym. I even encourage more guys to try crossfit. I do not, however, choose to shit where I sleep. Although I frequent a male-heavy hour at the gym, I never consider dating any of them because I wouldn't want to ruin my me-time. I told the guy that he was never, ever allowed to come at x hour because I owned it. I take these things very seriously.
We moved onto our reservation and cozied up in a corner booth. We had some things in common though as per usual, I was in the driver's seat with the conversation. I found out he'd lived abroad and had traveled throughout parts of Europe. He now owns his own company and finds himself traveling domestically and golfing frequently. I guess if I discussed his job, I was partially uninspired to ask other questions. I wouldn't mind being a golf wife. He then asked me about my job (boring) and asked me about coaching. I don't recall how I responded, but I certainly recall his follow-up.
Guy: Hey, I know this is really random, but I knew a girl who coached lacrosse. Or at least she used to.
Me: The lacrosse community is pretty small.
Guy: You might not know her. I don't remember her last name, but her first name is....
Me: Um. She and I have been coaching together for the last 10 years.
I kid you not. Apparently, she was good friends with one of his friends and they go way back to college days. I immediately texted my friend to get some recon work. I think this common connection was the true ice-breaker and I became a bit more open-minded to the whole experience. I laughed a bit more easily and enjoyed the date more.
As we were leaving, I saw a (now-married) ex leaving the restaurant at the same time. I sprinted and took my date with me. Yep, I'm a total weirdo and hate ex run-ins. He was a good sport about it and continued to walk me to my car. He kissed me goodnight, then proceeded to try to makeout with me on the street. No, thank you.
We parted ways. I got home and into bed. I get a text response from my friend.
"I think we made out once."
I text the guy. No, I wouldn't normally do that post-date, but we were awaiting this text.
He laughs and says something like it was 19 years ago.
Another text from my friend. "I'm pretty sure he's engaged."
Brilliant.
I text him to that effect.
He says he told me that he was in a very serious relationship and it's a long story. I assume he's no longer engaged.
I don't count on a second date. Dating is HARD!
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
When Should I Stop Counting?
I think I'm on date 5 now. Yes, I am counting the last meet-up as a date because I wouldn't categorize it as a non-date. Besides, there was a sleepover.
Date 5 was scheduled after dinner the week before and I was already thinking of ways to rearrange my schedule so I could maximize time spent together. Another Sunday date, I knew I'd have to fit in football so I opted for the afternoon.
A totally awesome friend of mine offered Chicago gourmet tickets (she is amazing) so I actually skipped watching another Ravens loss to head to the event. I had hoped to get the man in as well because I knew he'd enjoy lots of food and wine. I convinced him to head downtown and even managed to get him into the event. I was a bit nervous because this would be THE first introduction to any of my friends and I wanted him to be liked.
Upon meeting my friend, he really didn't say much and we ended up rushing around the event before it closed. Maybe I'd have liked him to spent more time by my side, but he'd wander to other stands without giving me a heads up. Is this our first fight?
I let that slide and enjoyed the copious amounts of free flowing wine. Small samples, I assure you. Post-event, we headed to a trendy hotel spot and cozied up on a couch with a great view. Then he suggested we take a picture. Wait, what? I'm normally the paparazzi for any occasion and I was shocked when a man suggested we take a picture on his phone. I over-read the situation like any sane girl would do. He must really like me.
Add another glass of wine and I boldly asked if he'd been going on more first dates. No. Jokingly, second or third? He paused. Shit. He hesitated some more. I went into grill mode. Who/what/where/when? I mean we did just take a picture. Actually, the conversation wasn't as tense as it seems though I did ask him to be upfront and honest about things. I had told him I'd gone on first dates so I expected the same level of honesty. No, I'm not ready to make it official, but I'd like to know if he's getting to that point with someone else. Further more, I said I'd want to know if he was sleeping with people because...gross.
Luckily, the wine had kicked in so I was able to move on pretty quickly. The night did turn out to be a lot of fun and he even commented that he'd miss me when he'd go on his upcoming European trip. Very sweet.
I woke up the next day with mixed emotions clearly due to the mixed messages I was given the entire day prior. Did I still like him? Yes. Did I go troll match for another date to keep my options open? Of course.
Date 5 was scheduled after dinner the week before and I was already thinking of ways to rearrange my schedule so I could maximize time spent together. Another Sunday date, I knew I'd have to fit in football so I opted for the afternoon.
A totally awesome friend of mine offered Chicago gourmet tickets (she is amazing) so I actually skipped watching another Ravens loss to head to the event. I had hoped to get the man in as well because I knew he'd enjoy lots of food and wine. I convinced him to head downtown and even managed to get him into the event. I was a bit nervous because this would be THE first introduction to any of my friends and I wanted him to be liked.
Upon meeting my friend, he really didn't say much and we ended up rushing around the event before it closed. Maybe I'd have liked him to spent more time by my side, but he'd wander to other stands without giving me a heads up. Is this our first fight?
I let that slide and enjoyed the copious amounts of free flowing wine. Small samples, I assure you. Post-event, we headed to a trendy hotel spot and cozied up on a couch with a great view. Then he suggested we take a picture. Wait, what? I'm normally the paparazzi for any occasion and I was shocked when a man suggested we take a picture on his phone. I over-read the situation like any sane girl would do. He must really like me.
Add another glass of wine and I boldly asked if he'd been going on more first dates. No. Jokingly, second or third? He paused. Shit. He hesitated some more. I went into grill mode. Who/what/where/when? I mean we did just take a picture. Actually, the conversation wasn't as tense as it seems though I did ask him to be upfront and honest about things. I had told him I'd gone on first dates so I expected the same level of honesty. No, I'm not ready to make it official, but I'd like to know if he's getting to that point with someone else. Further more, I said I'd want to know if he was sleeping with people because...gross.
Luckily, the wine had kicked in so I was able to move on pretty quickly. The night did turn out to be a lot of fun and he even commented that he'd miss me when he'd go on his upcoming European trip. Very sweet.
I woke up the next day with mixed emotions clearly due to the mixed messages I was given the entire day prior. Did I still like him? Yes. Did I go troll match for another date to keep my options open? Of course.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Dinner Dates are Intimate
It's been a week since our first date and I'm just as excited about seeing 3rd date guy. <--little help with a pseudonym here
We choose an intimate BYOB restaurant by my house and I made sure he'd pick me up on his way. I needed to instill these good manners early on or he stands no chance later in the relationship. I actually dressed up in something other than athletic clothes which he was "hoping, but not expecting". Yes, I did the heels and somewhat seductive top. We kissed a comfortable hello and drove the short distance to the restaurant; he had a playlist that hinted at his incredible taste in music. Clapton. Thank you. I brought a really nice chateauneuf du pape that I'd been saving for a special occasion. Potential at true love is as good an occasion as any.
Once again, we had great interactions with the waiter and eased into our first nice date. The waiter asked if we've been here before (I have) and when was the last time. I responded within a month and my date quickly asked, "who did you come here with." I replied, "mom" and the waiter jumped in with, "Who the hell is MOM?" I knew I'd enjoy the rest of the night.
As cheesy as this sounds, I can't recall what he was wearing because we spent most of the time making eye contact. I was curious to see how our food interests align, but was pleasantly surprised to find we're in complete agreement with the appetizers (not everyone loves octopus or foie gras). He also had very nice table manners (not as common as you'd think) and we shared easy conversation and savored the bottle of wine. I toned down my normal banter levels and actually lowered my guard a bit. After two hours of eye gazing, food indulging, and wine drinking, I was certainly hoping we'd get to kiss for real. We left the restaurant and I invited him upstairs. We danced in my kitchen.We had fantastic sexual chemistry as we kissed and we left it at that. He went home. We kept it very G/PG and I was ok with that.
He told me he was going out of town the following week so we made plans to see each other over the weekend and possibly the next day.
I did meet him and his friend after their long day drinking in Wrigley. He kissed me hello in front of his friend and there were zero moments of awkwardness. I settled into bullshitting with his friend and found the three of us having a great time (or so I assumed, who wouldn't be). We even accompanied his friend on a tinder date (there's a first time for everything), but called it an early night. Yes, there was a sleepover. No, I'm not providing details.
Anyway, we made plans for the following day.
We choose an intimate BYOB restaurant by my house and I made sure he'd pick me up on his way. I needed to instill these good manners early on or he stands no chance later in the relationship. I actually dressed up in something other than athletic clothes which he was "hoping, but not expecting". Yes, I did the heels and somewhat seductive top. We kissed a comfortable hello and drove the short distance to the restaurant; he had a playlist that hinted at his incredible taste in music. Clapton. Thank you. I brought a really nice chateauneuf du pape that I'd been saving for a special occasion. Potential at true love is as good an occasion as any.
Once again, we had great interactions with the waiter and eased into our first nice date. The waiter asked if we've been here before (I have) and when was the last time. I responded within a month and my date quickly asked, "who did you come here with." I replied, "mom" and the waiter jumped in with, "Who the hell is MOM?" I knew I'd enjoy the rest of the night.
As cheesy as this sounds, I can't recall what he was wearing because we spent most of the time making eye contact. I was curious to see how our food interests align, but was pleasantly surprised to find we're in complete agreement with the appetizers (not everyone loves octopus or foie gras). He also had very nice table manners (not as common as you'd think) and we shared easy conversation and savored the bottle of wine. I toned down my normal banter levels and actually lowered my guard a bit. After two hours of eye gazing, food indulging, and wine drinking, I was certainly hoping we'd get to kiss for real. We left the restaurant and I invited him upstairs. We danced in my kitchen.We had fantastic sexual chemistry as we kissed and we left it at that. He went home. We kept it very G/PG and I was ok with that.
He told me he was going out of town the following week so we made plans to see each other over the weekend and possibly the next day.
I did meet him and his friend after their long day drinking in Wrigley. He kissed me hello in front of his friend and there were zero moments of awkwardness. I settled into bullshitting with his friend and found the three of us having a great time (or so I assumed, who wouldn't be). We even accompanied his friend on a tinder date (there's a first time for everything), but called it an early night. Yes, there was a sleepover. No, I'm not providing details.
Anyway, we made plans for the following day.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
If You See Him Dance
There could be potential. Or so I thought.
I met this guy at a concert with one of my closest friends acting like a kickass wingman. He was one row up and having a blast with a group of his guy friends. His one (married) friend joined our level and then proceeded to break down our relationship statuses. Then he points to his cute friend who is "really smart" and "southern". Alright, I'm listening now. I didn't get a chance to talk to the friend much mid-song, but the whole group went to a bar post-concert and I knew this was my shot. He laughed a lot throughout our conversation and kept telling me he thought I was funny (smart dude already). When the crowd was going its separate ways, his friend asked if he "got the digits". He didn't. I wasn't offended.
He leaves with his friends then runs back in to get my phone number. I insist that it's not necessary if he's not interested. I promise I won't be upset. He persists. I don't expect to hear from him.
But then I do. He texts me 2 days later (what's with this 2-day thing?) and asks to meet up for a drink sometime. This is all happening in between these other dates so I have to push it to the following week. Then I went on the Bradley date and wasn't jazzed about going back to these sub-par first dates. I cancelled.
I had a date free up the next day so I rescheduled for a same day date. Hey, the last one wasn't terrible.
We met at a local place with an outdoor patio and I knew instantly that this wasn't going to be a thing. I think he was wearing a t-shirt and he looked exhausted as soon as I saw him. Alright, I can get through this. Fortunately, the waiter and I already build up quite the rapport so I knew I could manage as long as my water glass was empty. Give it to this guy, he was very keen on asking me lots of questions about this, that, and whatever and I actually thought he wanted to know my responses. Unfortunately, I gave zero fucks and didn't care to ask about his family or his school or anything really. Maybe I was being lazy. I was tired of carrying dates! The waiter would come back and he and I would joke around and I was relieved to have a break from the exhausting date.
I should have recalled that my friend mentioned his "bowl haircut" when she saw a picture of him; I couldn't avert my eyes all the time. I kept wondering how long he'd been styling his hair that way. Was he an early Bieber fan? Does he use a lot of conditioner? Is it always so shiny?
Why do you keep looking at my hair? Ummm...I'm not. Quick, think of a topic change.
I pretended to be interested in those typical interview questions until the waiter came back. Saved by the bell. The date went on for what seemed like three hours (1.5 in actuality) and I would see his face glaze over in a completely dumb, half-open mouth sort of way. I asked if he was really tired from work to which he replied no. Buddy, I'm helping you out here.
The only chemistry had was between me and the waiter. The waiter did thank me for the great banter and said he had a great time waiting on us (me). I really carried the team today. At least someone enjoyed my company.
I left the date satisfied to have made a waiter friend and to have gotten this concert date out of the way. I didn't expect to hear from him again.
....2 days later...
He asks me out again.
I have to reply because it's basically in my polite dating guidelines so I respond, "had fun the other night but didn't feel that kind of chemistry. thanks for the follow-up!"
He replies, "appreciate the candor. Was a bit spent from work if u change your mind. Otherwise it was nice meeting you."
Oh, NOW you decide to use the work exhaustion excuse??? Also, you used "u" instead of "you". Is it really that much effort to type 2 more letters??
Not that it would have made much of a difference. I wasn't going to be convinced.
I met this guy at a concert with one of my closest friends acting like a kickass wingman. He was one row up and having a blast with a group of his guy friends. His one (married) friend joined our level and then proceeded to break down our relationship statuses. Then he points to his cute friend who is "really smart" and "southern". Alright, I'm listening now. I didn't get a chance to talk to the friend much mid-song, but the whole group went to a bar post-concert and I knew this was my shot. He laughed a lot throughout our conversation and kept telling me he thought I was funny (smart dude already). When the crowd was going its separate ways, his friend asked if he "got the digits". He didn't. I wasn't offended.
He leaves with his friends then runs back in to get my phone number. I insist that it's not necessary if he's not interested. I promise I won't be upset. He persists. I don't expect to hear from him.
But then I do. He texts me 2 days later (what's with this 2-day thing?) and asks to meet up for a drink sometime. This is all happening in between these other dates so I have to push it to the following week. Then I went on the Bradley date and wasn't jazzed about going back to these sub-par first dates. I cancelled.
I had a date free up the next day so I rescheduled for a same day date. Hey, the last one wasn't terrible.
We met at a local place with an outdoor patio and I knew instantly that this wasn't going to be a thing. I think he was wearing a t-shirt and he looked exhausted as soon as I saw him. Alright, I can get through this. Fortunately, the waiter and I already build up quite the rapport so I knew I could manage as long as my water glass was empty. Give it to this guy, he was very keen on asking me lots of questions about this, that, and whatever and I actually thought he wanted to know my responses. Unfortunately, I gave zero fucks and didn't care to ask about his family or his school or anything really. Maybe I was being lazy. I was tired of carrying dates! The waiter would come back and he and I would joke around and I was relieved to have a break from the exhausting date.
I should have recalled that my friend mentioned his "bowl haircut" when she saw a picture of him; I couldn't avert my eyes all the time. I kept wondering how long he'd been styling his hair that way. Was he an early Bieber fan? Does he use a lot of conditioner? Is it always so shiny?
Why do you keep looking at my hair? Ummm...I'm not. Quick, think of a topic change.
I pretended to be interested in those typical interview questions until the waiter came back. Saved by the bell. The date went on for what seemed like three hours (1.5 in actuality) and I would see his face glaze over in a completely dumb, half-open mouth sort of way. I asked if he was really tired from work to which he replied no. Buddy, I'm helping you out here.
The only chemistry had was between me and the waiter. The waiter did thank me for the great banter and said he had a great time waiting on us (me). I really carried the team today. At least someone enjoyed my company.
I left the date satisfied to have made a waiter friend and to have gotten this concert date out of the way. I didn't expect to hear from him again.
....2 days later...
He asks me out again.
I have to reply because it's basically in my polite dating guidelines so I respond, "had fun the other night but didn't feel that kind of chemistry. thanks for the follow-up!"
He replies, "appreciate the candor. Was a bit spent from work if u change your mind. Otherwise it was nice meeting you."
Oh, NOW you decide to use the work exhaustion excuse??? Also, you used "u" instead of "you". Is it really that much effort to type 2 more letters??
Not that it would have made much of a difference. I wasn't going to be convinced.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Date a Second
The guy with great chemistry didn't text me after two long days of staring at his number so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had nothing to lose.
I asked if he had plans on a set date and time and asked if he'd be interested in going to the driving range (he mentioned being a golfer on date 1; yes, on the checklist). He responded in less than 10min saying that sounded delightful. Now I was really mad! He made me make that move when he wanted to go out with me all along? Maybe he didn't want to go out with me per say, just wanted to go to the range. Either way, I was looking forward to seeing him.
Fast forward to the day before the date and a very long concert day fueled by overpriced, oversized adult beverages. I woke up with a killer hangover. I pushed the date back an hour and debated cancelling.
For those who know me, I get life and body debilitating hangovers. Any movement is a struggle and physical activity would be out of the question.
I manned up and got my shit together enough to look cute and attempt to golf. He greeted me with a quick kiss and we fell right into the chemistry we left at date 1. Maybe this was worth the struggle? He boldly proceeded to correct my swing which I found equally annoying and endearing while I told him to "shut the eff up". I'm sassy when I'm hungover.
He wasn't a bad golfer (quite good actually) which I found extremely sexy. I even mentioned that a hitting a beautiful golf shot is one of the sexiest things a man can do. This is a fact. By the time we finished our bucket, I was more than ready for a beer.
We headed to the outdoor bar and sidled up with a very engaging bartender. My hangover plus one beer had the shampoo in full effect so any filter I might have had already went out the window. Yes, I DO have an occasional filter. We had a great time chatting back and forth and he kept touching my knee (which I did enjoy). Maybe it was the alcohol or the level of comfort, but I found him more and more attractive as the date went on. And then it hit me. He looks like someone famous.
Who you ask? Well, I made the mistake of telling him exactly who I thought he looked like and his response was, yeah, I've gotten that a lot.
Bradley fucking Cooper. Like BC in American Sniper with the sexy beard. Sadly, he does not have the accompanying muscles. Once that statement came out of my mouth, he got increasingly sexier. I mean if you think Bradley Cooper is sexy. He's not for me personally, but some people might be into that thing.
Then I had a second beer and felt even sassier than usual. He asked me if I liked such-and-such food and suggested we should get that sometime. I looked at him deadpan and asked if he was actually asking me on a date because I had to make the move after date 1. Now I wanted answers, damnit.
He told me that because he didn't meet the checklist, he wasn't sure I wanted to see him again. I then recapped the fun date and asked if he thought we each enjoyed ourselves. (yes, of course). He mentioned that I didn't really kiss him goodnight to which I replied that I wasn't about to make out with him in the middle of the street! Peanut gallery: keep your comments to yourselves.
After the date, he did walk me to my car and we had a public appropriate kiss goodbye (no tongue). At least on this date, we were already planning date 3 and I felt confident that I'd hear from him again.
We headed to the outdoor bar and sidled up with a very engaging bartender. My hangover plus one beer had the shampoo in full effect so any filter I might have had already went out the window. Yes, I DO have an occasional filter. We had a great time chatting back and forth and he kept touching my knee (which I did enjoy). Maybe it was the alcohol or the level of comfort, but I found him more and more attractive as the date went on. And then it hit me. He looks like someone famous.
Who you ask? Well, I made the mistake of telling him exactly who I thought he looked like and his response was, yeah, I've gotten that a lot.
Bradley fucking Cooper. Like BC in American Sniper with the sexy beard. Sadly, he does not have the accompanying muscles. Once that statement came out of my mouth, he got increasingly sexier. I mean if you think Bradley Cooper is sexy. He's not for me personally, but some people might be into that thing.
Then I had a second beer and felt even sassier than usual. He asked me if I liked such-and-such food and suggested we should get that sometime. I looked at him deadpan and asked if he was actually asking me on a date because I had to make the move after date 1. Now I wanted answers, damnit.
He told me that because he didn't meet the checklist, he wasn't sure I wanted to see him again. I then recapped the fun date and asked if he thought we each enjoyed ourselves. (yes, of course). He mentioned that I didn't really kiss him goodnight to which I replied that I wasn't about to make out with him in the middle of the street! Peanut gallery: keep your comments to yourselves.
After the date, he did walk me to my car and we had a public appropriate kiss goodbye (no tongue). At least on this date, we were already planning date 3 and I felt confident that I'd hear from him again.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Wine Not
Still thinking about the guy from the night before, I bucked up for my third date of the week. Aggressive move. He choose a great spot (City Winery) and I was pleased to see him standing outside when my cab pulled up. This guy gets a point for avoiding the awkward introduction stage. We walked in together (like a real couple!) and took a seat at the bar. Saddle up for some wine drinking, indeed. I found out this guy was a fellow east coaster so I already started planning our future together. As I brushed some dirt off my shoulder, he told me that he's never gone out with an east coast girl in Chicago. Okay, this is a good start. Sure, there wasn't that instant chemistry like the guy from day before, but I'm staying open-minded. I immediately took on the weight of the conversation (maybe he's nervous) and fired bestie-like questions. *bestie basically works for the FBI with the level of info she can obtain in 5 minutes
One of a set of two twins. Father was a doctor who passed in recent years. Both sisters married with kids. Brother is 6'4", played basketball in college, has his JD, and is an NBA agent. eeeeeeeeer. STOP. RIGHT. THERE.
Your twin brother is taller, sexier, and has a much cooler job?? I know I shouldn't have let that affect the date but c'mon, tell me more. He politely talked about his brother and his brother's players which turned out to be the most interesting thing he said all night. Where my jersey chasers at??
All the while, we were doing some good work on red wine and had a friend vibe going. I definitely had no interest in jumping his bones and kept looking at his formerly broken nose (it wasn't, just large- insert foot in mouth). Maybe if I drink another glass, I'll want to kiss him?
I didn't. Unfortunately for him, the booze didn't work. It was a better date than frisbee guy, but didn't top the night before. He also didn't share the same level of easy humor which would have helped his whole nose situation. We ended the date sharing a cab home (2 stops before you get any ideas) and parted ways.
And cue the text on his way home. We texted back and forth over the weekend although I knew I didn't really see him that way. Maybe his brother's single? He is, I asked.
At this point, I still didn't hear from the chemistry guy so I needed to keep my options open.
One of a set of two twins. Father was a doctor who passed in recent years. Both sisters married with kids. Brother is 6'4", played basketball in college, has his JD, and is an NBA agent. eeeeeeeeer. STOP. RIGHT. THERE.
Your twin brother is taller, sexier, and has a much cooler job?? I know I shouldn't have let that affect the date but c'mon, tell me more. He politely talked about his brother and his brother's players which turned out to be the most interesting thing he said all night. Where my jersey chasers at??
All the while, we were doing some good work on red wine and had a friend vibe going. I definitely had no interest in jumping his bones and kept looking at his formerly broken nose (it wasn't, just large- insert foot in mouth). Maybe if I drink another glass, I'll want to kiss him?
I didn't. Unfortunately for him, the booze didn't work. It was a better date than frisbee guy, but didn't top the night before. He also didn't share the same level of easy humor which would have helped his whole nose situation. We ended the date sharing a cab home (2 stops before you get any ideas) and parted ways.
And cue the text on his way home. We texted back and forth over the weekend although I knew I didn't really see him that way. Maybe his brother's single? He is, I asked.
At this point, I still didn't hear from the chemistry guy so I needed to keep my options open.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Last Minute Dates
Aren't the worst idea when you have limited time and lots of dates to attend.
I signed up for match after drinking a bottle of wine on my couch while watching Netflix. I felt really bold (as did my standards) and ended up messaging maybe 15 guys. After waking to the aftermath, my friends would agree that my standards have a direct negative correlation with drinks ingested.
This particular bloke wasn't completely terrible from his pictures (2 out of 10 had potential), but I was wary of going on a date. I apparently also emailed him my number so when he came back into town (he was out of town?) he texted me solidifying that date I asked him on. Fuuuuuck.
I quickly scrambled to find the guy's name and agreed to a same day date. Oh the horror! There are only two occasions where you should accept a last minute date. 1st- when you have zero interest and are looking to just get this over with. 2nd- when you've been on 5-8+ dates and that's totally cool now.
You can guess where this one landed. I warned him that I'd be coming directly from practice and would be in sweat clothes if he didn't mind. <-- power move on my part because those lulu leggings do me all kinds of favors.
I met him later than my bedtime at a local bar where he already had an outdoor seat. Playing my casual-cool-we-aren't-on-a-1st-date vibe, I approached with a "hey, awesome snag on these seats" and gave a hug. What's your name again? I sat down and looked at his face and yea, his match pictures were god-awful. This guy was very handsome in person. *to be noted, it usually goes the other way.
By the time the waiter approached, we had eased into comfortable conversation and easily interacted with each other. Wait, did I have first date chemistry?? I did zero research pre-date and didn't bother to do a once through of his profile. This turned out to be the best strategy as this drink date for once didn't feel like an interview. We joked about random things and he matched my quick-wit. I made fun of him for ordering the same thing as me and he took it in stride. Alright, maybe this guy has potential. I even broached the "how's match treating you" topic to which he joked about all girls having a checklist. I don't know what you're talking about; I've never heard of a checklist. I found myself divulging its existence and even told him that I dated the checklist, but the guy wasn't the right one. It's a terrible move to discuss exes on a first date. He asked me to name some items to which I politely refused, but did tell him that I didn't think he met any of the criteria. I quickly followed with, "I'm having a great time though" to which he agreed. *he does meet some of the highlights of the checklist, but can't let him have the upper hand so easily.
I was enjoying myself so much that I went way past my bedtime and ended up 4 beers deep in a 3 hour date. *2 in the limit on any date early on
We agreed that it was getting late so parted ways and he gave me a nice peck goodbye.
I did not get an immediate text on the way home. I woke up the next day thinking how nice the date had gone and why hadn't the asshole texted yet. Maybe he's doing an obligatory 2 day wait? I had to change gears and focus on the date a had that night. Day 3 and dating is exhausting!
I signed up for match after drinking a bottle of wine on my couch while watching Netflix. I felt really bold (as did my standards) and ended up messaging maybe 15 guys. After waking to the aftermath, my friends would agree that my standards have a direct negative correlation with drinks ingested.
This particular bloke wasn't completely terrible from his pictures (2 out of 10 had potential), but I was wary of going on a date. I apparently also emailed him my number so when he came back into town (he was out of town?) he texted me solidifying that date I asked him on. Fuuuuuck.
I quickly scrambled to find the guy's name and agreed to a same day date. Oh the horror! There are only two occasions where you should accept a last minute date. 1st- when you have zero interest and are looking to just get this over with. 2nd- when you've been on 5-8+ dates and that's totally cool now.
You can guess where this one landed. I warned him that I'd be coming directly from practice and would be in sweat clothes if he didn't mind. <-- power move on my part because those lulu leggings do me all kinds of favors.
I met him later than my bedtime at a local bar where he already had an outdoor seat. Playing my casual-cool-we-aren't-on-a-1st-date vibe, I approached with a "hey, awesome snag on these seats" and gave a hug. What's your name again? I sat down and looked at his face and yea, his match pictures were god-awful. This guy was very handsome in person. *to be noted, it usually goes the other way.
By the time the waiter approached, we had eased into comfortable conversation and easily interacted with each other. Wait, did I have first date chemistry?? I did zero research pre-date and didn't bother to do a once through of his profile. This turned out to be the best strategy as this drink date for once didn't feel like an interview. We joked about random things and he matched my quick-wit. I made fun of him for ordering the same thing as me and he took it in stride. Alright, maybe this guy has potential. I even broached the "how's match treating you" topic to which he joked about all girls having a checklist. I don't know what you're talking about; I've never heard of a checklist. I found myself divulging its existence and even told him that I dated the checklist, but the guy wasn't the right one. It's a terrible move to discuss exes on a first date. He asked me to name some items to which I politely refused, but did tell him that I didn't think he met any of the criteria. I quickly followed with, "I'm having a great time though" to which he agreed. *he does meet some of the highlights of the checklist, but can't let him have the upper hand so easily.
I was enjoying myself so much that I went way past my bedtime and ended up 4 beers deep in a 3 hour date. *2 in the limit on any date early on
We agreed that it was getting late so parted ways and he gave me a nice peck goodbye.
I did not get an immediate text on the way home. I woke up the next day thinking how nice the date had gone and why hadn't the asshole texted yet. Maybe he's doing an obligatory 2 day wait? I had to change gears and focus on the date a had that night. Day 3 and dating is exhausting!
Thursday, September 24, 2015
My First Time
...was a little painful; I know technically it wasn't my first time. Cue match date round (we aren't counting), date 1.
From my old checklist, foreign was somewhere on that list and this guy was (and still is as far as I know) British so I figured he'd have some potential. Taking advantage of the gorgeous weather, I suggested something active outside which also gave me a great opportunity to judge any athletic ability. Our early texting was playful and he made a joke about bringing balls so I figured our sense of humor would align. I gave him my exact location to avoid that first date awkwardness of "are you so-and-so" and proceeded to give him an uncomfortable hug when he arrived. Seeing as the only balls he brought were attached to his body, I came prepared with a good ole frisbee*.
*times like these I thank having a car full of random athletic equipment
My frisbee skills instantly went on display and I was doing acrobatic behind-the-back leg grabs within a toss or two. He wasn't terrible but being 6'4", I'd expected more hops.
Don't think I put all this date potential on athletic skills alone; how shallow do you think I am?!? I did try to throw in casual conversation, but he took so long to respond (he had a terrible stutter) that I just gave up. I'm kidding about the stutter, but he did take awhile to form a decent response and I could tell any text chemistry was just that. I asked him about his last best meal to which he responded with three mediocre meals and okay places. I called him out on not answering my question to which he just shrugged. By this point I had checked my watch a good four times and even tapped the face to make sure it was accurate. 45min. I did my best to stretch the last 15 because less than an hour just seems pathetic. At one hour and one minute, I feigned a yawn, mentioned my bedtime, and had him walk me to my car like a gentleman should do. Cue second awkward hug.
He texted me on the way home asking me for a second date.
Me (next day): "I had fun, but I didn't quite feel the chemistry. Good luck on your search."
Him: "It often only goes one way. Thanks, you too."
Thank goodness I had two other dates lined up that week.
From my old checklist, foreign was somewhere on that list and this guy was (and still is as far as I know) British so I figured he'd have some potential. Taking advantage of the gorgeous weather, I suggested something active outside which also gave me a great opportunity to judge any athletic ability. Our early texting was playful and he made a joke about bringing balls so I figured our sense of humor would align. I gave him my exact location to avoid that first date awkwardness of "are you so-and-so" and proceeded to give him an uncomfortable hug when he arrived. Seeing as the only balls he brought were attached to his body, I came prepared with a good ole frisbee*.
*times like these I thank having a car full of random athletic equipment
My frisbee skills instantly went on display and I was doing acrobatic behind-the-back leg grabs within a toss or two. He wasn't terrible but being 6'4", I'd expected more hops.
Don't think I put all this date potential on athletic skills alone; how shallow do you think I am?!? I did try to throw in casual conversation, but he took so long to respond (he had a terrible stutter) that I just gave up. I'm kidding about the stutter, but he did take awhile to form a decent response and I could tell any text chemistry was just that. I asked him about his last best meal to which he responded with three mediocre meals and okay places. I called him out on not answering my question to which he just shrugged. By this point I had checked my watch a good four times and even tapped the face to make sure it was accurate. 45min. I did my best to stretch the last 15 because less than an hour just seems pathetic. At one hour and one minute, I feigned a yawn, mentioned my bedtime, and had him walk me to my car like a gentleman should do. Cue second awkward hug.
He texted me on the way home asking me for a second date.
Me (next day): "I had fun, but I didn't quite feel the chemistry. Good luck on your search."
Him: "It often only goes one way. Thanks, you too."
Thank goodness I had two other dates lined up that week.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
A Modern Guide to Romance: A Prelude
After 3 years, I find myself still single, but I think I've gotten a lot more savvy in dating. Originally started as an homage to 52 first dates (exactly how it sounds), I went on a few interesting dates and then met someone who I liked enough and stopped blogging. He then met someone who he liked more and they are now married. Awesome, right?
I did have a few good-luck chuck moments as I know at least one of the guys mentioned in this blog is also now married (plus every one of my exes). I think of this as great fucking karma for the rest of my life.
Using this karma and the latest and greatest apps of this world (i'd like to thank tinder, hinge, happn, bumble, jswipe (kidding, maybe)), I proceeded to look for Mr. Right for the last few years getting dangerously close to egg-freezing years. I bucked up and joined match.com (again) hoping for better alternatives only to have 50 year old guys like plumber Larry from Wisconsin messaging me on the reg.
I then took a break and really took a good look at my checklist. Even my therapist politely commented that maybe my reach was a bit too narrow (especially for Chicago), but I blinded chugged along. I did randomly meet the checklist guy at a dinner party and we proceeded to date for a few months. He was well-educated, good-looking, sophisticated, well-mannered, and foreign and took me on several great dates in the city. I decided that I wasn't really feeling it and so I ended it because he just couldn't live up to my standards. Truth, that last part is a lie and he broke it off unceremoniously over a phone call. I cried to my bestie for about 5min, swore to have a fun single summer and live out my years as a golden spinster.
The end of Chicago summer gave me a reality check that maybe wine and Netflix alone for the next 8 months wasn't exactly the future I imagined. I turned the Labor Day corner and shouted see me world and had the guys come running. Also false, I just signed up for match again. So here's to letting you in on all my dating adventures and hoping that this karma will finally pay its dues.
**I've kept the dates from those first years of this blog because...well, see for yourself.
**I've kept the dates from those first years of this blog because...well, see for yourself.
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