Brews, Baseball, and Boy

After the boy became handsome, I wanted to talk to him all the time. He was traveling yet again and I offered to pick him up from the airport. My friends were all too curious as to why I was flying a booty call into town because NO ONE gets picked up from the airport. Except my mom. I had to clarify that this guy I was dating was coming back into town and that I was picking him up.
Again, the disbelief. You must really like this guy, they said.

In the four days he was gone, I missed him a ton. I let him interrupt my sleep with drunk dials hoping he'd profess his love. When I picked him up, I brought an arsenal of snacks and he brought me the most amazing bottle of pinot from Oregon. Alright, this kid knows the way to my heart. We had a real thai dinner (I took him to the right part of Chicago for that) and enjoyed each others company alcohol-free. We then went back to my house and continued talking well past midnight.

The next day a friend hosted a BBQ and I extended the invite; he'd be meeting two of my close friends. Fortunately, he took to backyard games like a frat boy takes to beer pong. So much so that this semi-athletic guy kept kicking my ass in every game. No, I'm not competitive. He fit in seamlessly and entertained conversations with guests. We shared some brews while he continued to dominate lawn games and I was secretly proud that he was a ringer. Ha- the little things.

The next day (three days in a row, people), I invited him to a Cubs game with the same friends. First off, he was more than happy to attend a baseball game with three women. That in itself is impressive. On top of that, he insisted on buying all the beers for me and my girlfriends. While on a beer run, I asked my friends for their honest opinion to which they responded with a resounding, "we love him." Yes, you can win over my friends with beer.  That plus a gregarious personality and the ability to have fun in any situation. In spite of the cubbies performance, I was having the best time ever. He joked that he liked me better after a beer or two because I became sweeter person. Ha- he probably has a point. We used a friend's connection to get on the field after the game and I think I scored him some bragging rights. I was even more than happy to take photos with him! I'd be hard-pressed to find a picture with any of the guys I've dated in the last 5 years; no one made it near that point.

It was pretty clear that I didn't want to go on a date with anyone else and later that evening, we mutually deleted our dating apps. I can feel myself getting sentimental and losing my edge. While I want to continue this blog, it might get all sappy. I'd love to hear from you. Should I keep writing? And yes, he knows about it.

He Won a Bet and I Pay My Debts

You'd think that I'd be sure of this after that amount of facetime, but I wasn't convinced. I owed him a dinner date in the three days before he traveled and part of me wanted to schedule a first date. Another part of me suggested getting dinner the DAY AFTER date two. Back-to-back dates? I can't recognize myself.

When we met for an early dinner, we did not hold hands. We did, however, agree to not have any drinks today and immediately ordered wine when we were sat. Just a glass. He proved to be a formidable dining companion. Wine aside, he was also great at letting me order while providing some suggestions. You have no idea what kind of dining idiots I've seen out there. He thoroughly entertained me with story after story and practically got me to choke on my wine laughing. Twice. I might have had some feels creeping up.

On the walk back from the restaurant, he didn't hold my hand and I was sad about it. When I grabbed for his, I knew he was winning me over.  The day before I was certain I'd break his heart. He asked my plans for the rest of the week and I gave a noncommittal response. Part of me was still guarded.

We did chat the following day and he shared epic high school flashback photos. I'm pretty positive that my 16 year old self would have had the biggest crush on the kid. Besides, he was an all-state soccer goalie and that's pretty much what mattered in high school. So much for him being unathletic. I stayed up past my bedtime to continue our conversation and asked if he was still free the next day.

If you're keeping count, that'd be three dates in a week. A work week to be exact.

He showed up at my house the following day and I couldn't believe how attractive he was. I don't know how I missed him being so handsome the first few times. And when he raved about my favorite pizza place, I knew he had taste too.  After dinner, we sat on my couch talking for hours. I stayed up way past my school night bedtime again because being with him felt more important than sleep.

I think I caught the feelings.

Don't Call It A Comeback

After the ending of date one, you'd think that I'd be done with the guy, but he left his sunglasses at my house. I see what you did there, sir. I HAD to text him. Luckily, he texted me first.

We continued to message on and off for the duration of the day and I found myself amused by our conversation. I even suggested meeting up for a drink after my earlier plans. He did. He also reminded me that I agreed to a second date. Doesn't this count?

Meanwhile, I tried to schedule a first date with someone, anyone else. Due to my travel schedule, I couldn't work it out and when the guy asked to see me over the weekend, I was obviously free. I suggested a fun! architectural tour because summer in Chicago. He was nice enough to offer getting tickets the morning of so we'd be guaranteed a time slot. (The planner in me smiled). I met him and he mouth kissed me in the street to which I was a bit taken aback. When he tried to hold my hand on the walk, I tolerated it briefly. I kept thinking to myself that I was bound to break his heart.

We enjoyed the boat ride and commiserated about the unremarkable tour guide. He provided his own fun facts that he remembered from a previous tour as I enjoyed his company. We were both famished post-tour so we decided on a patio lunch. He kept asking about my evening plans (I was supposed to meet friends) and I kept responding that I didn't have to go. For whatever reason, I wanted this date to go on.

And it did. After lunch we went to an arcade and made silly bets on games. While I perceived him to be athletically inept, he beat me handedly in arcade basketball and won himself dinner that week. I was nonplussed- wasn't one date in a week enough? Besides, the jury was still out on him. That didn't cause me to go home. We instead went to his terrace to play bags and bullshit. All the truth serum in me and I revealed I only dated guys with graduate degrees. Don't worry, I threw up a little typing that just now. The guys with graduate degrees weren't on this date with me and I thought to myself, maybe I should just say fuck it my checklist. *to the friends who've preached this, you might be right*

Date two lasted for 11 hours. Date one lasted for 6. I mean I at least enjoyed his company.

I Was On A Break

Apologies for my 4 month hiatus from posting. Date 2 (reread if you need a refresher) followed by dates 3-6. Because I was actually interested in this guy, I didn't feel a need to go on other dates. Due to busy schedules for both parties, these consequent dates occurred over 3 months. While I would have liked more time in-person, I thought enough of the guy to keep him on the radar. One day every three weeks does not constitute a relationship. I think I fooled myself into thinking that if I was patient, it'd all work out like it should have. It didn't. The last time I saw him was sometime in May and I had very lukewarm feelings; I remember gossiping with girlfriends about all his shortcomings and realized that I no longer liked the guy. Turns out, the feeling was mutual. While I would have preferred to be the one who initiated the end-it text, I responded with, "well, that's a relief." Because it was. 

I enjoyed my single lady status but making eyes at a sexy MBA at a wedding. Turns out, he did not appreciate all things glow sticks so I deemed him boring. I talked to the married groomsmen knowing that the conversations were all innocent (until the one offered to walk me home in between his bumble sessions...). I was asked to join a single groomsman in his hotel room, but I politely declined. Maybe I've matured in my 30's because why else would I turn down an opportunity for a makeout?? To my friends who have known me for years- am I right?

After a month off, I decided to get back on that dating train. I met a guy for Friday happy hour and went into the date with zero expectations. That said, I ordered a tequila drink off the bat because WHY THE HELL NOT. When he arrived, I knew this wasn't going to be the love of my life, but he seemed nice enough. It was a gorgeous Chicago summer afternoon and patio drinks were in order. I can't recall what we discussed, but I wasn't trying to escape mid-first drink either. He did not look like most of his pictures and I found myself wondering if I was on a date with the "personality" guy. When we moved to the shade, however, he took off his sunglasses and I took a double take; he had gorgeous eyes. That plus the tequila had me agree to dinner and a second location- this date was already exceeding my first date duration standards. 

Over tacos and more tequila (I did not stick to my two drink limit, I wasn't hoping for a second date), the conversation flowed easily and I think I even asked him some personal questions. He told me that this was the best online date he'd been on (slay) so we kept it going. I even invited him over for some porch sitting and when he walked into my decidedly messy apartment, I couldn't care less. Another date wasn't in the cards, but a tipsy makeout just might have been. He asked me how he was doing on the date and I told him a solid B-. He took it with grace then pressed for more. While the truth serum was flowing, I might have said something about him being cubbier than a few of his pictures. He laughed. 

Even later in the date, he insisted that he'd be going home because he wanted to go on a second date with me. I was in the complete opposite camp on those issues. Can't a girl have a makeout and never have to see the guy again?  I begrudgingly agreed to the date knowing that I'd have a easy text out at a later time.  Back in the dating game. 

The Good Ones

The weeks went by and I have to admit that I thought about the guy often. We didn't have a text relationship though with a date two in sight, I felt secure. I also received an unexpected late night text commenting on the merits of our conversations. By the time the date was approaching, I reached out and inquired about plans and he responded a day later saying he'd figure something out. Not seeming too eager, I replied a few hours later with a recommendation. This was the day before the date.

On the day of, I still hadn't received a reply with a place or time. I slowly started to panic. The ball was quite clearly in his court and I didn't want to press the issue if his feelings went in another direction. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. Nothing. My granny bedtime was approaching and I had heard nothing about the night. I have to admit that I was pretty upset; even the gym couldn't console me. I went home and started to dig my plot in my front yard. Here lies Promise. Died in the emptiness of an unsent text. I listened to Adele (lord, bad choice) and when he finally reached out an hour before he expected to meet, I was beyond bitter. I didn't want to go, but I wanted to rip the band-aid as soon as possible so I could move on.

En route, I stewed. Arriving early at the restaurant, I stewed. This asshole had it coming. He showed up in a suit, straight from the office. That anger? Subsided almost immediately. Did he have to wear a suit so well? Looks aside, he relayed his hellish work schedule that week and I commented that I was surprised we even met. Based on the timing of his text, I was already mourning his loss. He countered with, "we made a plan weeks ago." Ok, yes, he had a point, but how often are women disappointed when a guy doesn't follow through? I suppose my prior experiences already set him up for failure. He genuinely wanted to see me and though he had a particularly intense week, he made the time.

Don't worry, I didn't let him off the hook for the poor planning. He assumed my text asking about work time meant that we'd be meeting after 8. I said I was waiting on a time and place. I guess we're going to have to get to know each other's tendencies at some point. With his hand on my back, he assured me that seeing me was important. I let that guard slip again and said that I was only disappointed because I had looked forward to seeing him. Being mutually transparent is so refreshing.

We finished dinner and continued our date at a bar nearby. He was so easy to talk to that I spoke my mind freely and we even broached the all-taboo politics topic. He looked at me seriously and gave me the most important compliment I could ever receive; he told me I was one of the most intelligent people he's met. I cannot fully represent the weight of his words. He then verbalized everything that he intuited about me. And he was spot on. It took my therapist years.

As we continued, he asked me when we'd move on from a cheek kiss (date 1). I was taken aback. I lacked all ability to hide my blushing emotions and he followed asking me about kissing in public. Now, college was proof enough that a good bar make-out could rarely be missed, but in my older years. I generally avoided it. Till then. After a totally tasteful kiss, I found myself grinning. There went that rule.

He asked about my weekend plans and scheduled our next date. I stayed out till almost midnight on a school night. Did I like this guy? The post-date sidewalk kissing session certainly implied so. I couldn't stay mad. At all.

Where There's Smoke

My date interest level dropped significantly post-crush. I got off my one month motivation and started dreading going on dates. The next one was no different. We originally scheduled a Sunday afternoon date and we he asked to reschedule, I was relieved.

A colleague saw his profile the day of reschedule and had very good vibes about him. Maybe I was thinking about this all wrong. Thankfully, the Chicago weather dampened my hermit tendencies and I went on my date with only slight trepidation. He arrived straight from the office a bit flustered; I needed to get him a drink stat. When I said that I wasn't drinking this month, he didn't ask questions. He didn't change his order, he didn't make it a thing. Actually, he's the only person that elicited the most appropriate response to that. For some reason, that made all the difference in the date direction.

We sat outside and occupied the sole couch by the wood burning fireplace. Talk about romance! Since he made me feel at ease, I was able to be myself and commit to enjoying the night. We started out talking about the perils of dating apps which is a plight I know all too well. He asked me to talk about my worst date ever. Later, I promised.

We discussed being selective in dating and I mentioned a recent conversation in which a friend accused me of being too picky. He shared my sentiment. "Do you want to be in a relationship", he asked. Nothing about that felt intrusive and I honestly answered that I do with the right person, but I'm content being on my own. He again was in agreement. Later in the date, he confided that he was looking forward to having a family and shared some of his hopes for his children. Having been a big brother, he found the mentoring really enriching and mused that parenthood would be incomparable. I discussed my coaching career and current mentee relationship and talked passionately about the reward of each. Though I'd be reluctant to share this much on a typical first date, he was transparent and genuine and I followed suit.

We talked travel and he found a way to one up me for the last year. We discussed our to-do travel lists and found that many places overlapped. He divulged that he spoke German. I was impressed. He asked me questions and follow-up questions and I reciprocated. I wanted to talk to him all night. When we talked hobbies, I had to reveal my crossfitting ways to which he responded, "you have a pleasant figure." I looked at him and we were equally amused by the line. I liked that he could laugh at himself. (He did also note my butt...guys really have a knack for assessing the situation quickly)

I have to say that the most surprising part of night came when we talked about my parents living in Hawaii. He mentioned he had never been and my first thought was, you'd fit right in. No, that's not what I actually said, but it's the first time that I could see someone assimilating into my holiday time at home.

I did tell him about my worst date and he his. I even mentioned my inability to decline a second date in person. He asked how he'd be able to tell if I actually wanted to see him again. Aside from the mutual arm touching, I said I'd reply, "yes, when?" And when he did ask, we made a date. Two weeks from that night. We both had travel plans, but my planner-self appreciated the advanced notice.

The Crush Lifecycle

I may have been avoiding dates in the beginning of the year, but only because my efforts were focused elsewhere. On a crush. Yes, like the seventh grade kind.

I returned from the holidays to spot a new guy at the gym and the little I knew left me intrigued. My friend finally broke the ice and let him into our conversation circle and from there, I discovered that he was European and had recently moved to the states; his accent didn't betray a thing. I naturally used this as my in for our similarities. I peppered him with a million questions. I was fascinated by his life and constantly came up with excuses to talk to him. Can you plan my next Eurotrip?

My gym had it's annual winter party and when I saw him there, I played it cool. He spent the first hour talking to a girl who I mused to be his girlfriend so I decided to ignore him completely. He finally approached me and we spent the rest of the night enthralled in conversation. I had my wingman in tow who only encouraged my budding love connection, even if it was with a younger man (5 years younger). The tone of the night was certainly flirty and when we switched locations, he came along. Our romance was budding for sure...so much that when the crowd changed locations yet again, he and I remained deep in conversation in the comfort of a city speak easy. We stayed out till 1:30 in the morning, me maintaining all the composure. I got all flustered when I made eye contact so I knew this wasn't going to be a hook-up situation. Besides, try not to sh*t where you sleep, right?
We said our goodbyes.

From then on, this developed into a full-blown awkward interactions crush. I was in my element. If only passing notes was still in vogue... This led me to regular gym days and by regular I mean going 7 days a week in hopes of running into him. My old body had to make the sacrifice. I came up with excuses to talk to him and would miss his presence at my regular class times. This was a thing. I finally got the courage to ask him out; he accepted. I used the rouse of a last minute friend cancellation (80% true) so it could easily fall into the friend or more category. He cancelled the day before. I was disappointed.

This back and forth went on for the next week or so and he started texting me daily. I even attended weekend classes so we could workout together. On one of these days, I'm pleased to say that I was generally killing the workout and keeping pace with this twenty-something. I kept up this level and realized that he was starting to shave reps. I joked that he was cheating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

A few days later our workout had me aimlessly rowing as he was doing another movement so I had nothing but time to count. He only did 70% of the reps that time. The shiny luster started to fade immediately. After we finished, another gym mate noted that he only did 30% of the round before that. Now THIS was a dealbreaker. I texted him after providing some friendly advice. After 5 years at this gym, I knew things like this built a reputation fast. I said my peace.

Over consequent conversations, I made another age comment to which he responded, you assumed that. I recalled the first admission of age and he rebuffed saying that I gave a number to which he nodded his head (in agreement). Yes, that would make me think that you were that age. You nodded. Turns out he mislead me in that. Not only was he (or so I thought) 5 years younger, he was 10 years younger. That changes everything. No longer was he a potential suitor, he was a child. One that had a hard time telling the truth.

That day on I started to perceive him differently. Other people noted his continued rep shaving; I no longer wanted to defend him. I limited our interactions which only caused him to text me more; guys in their 20's can be so predictable. The death of the boy came when he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had plans on so and so night if we wanted to get together. Wait, what?? There were so many issues with that message. First off, the girlfriend thing was never mentioned. I'd vividly remember that and being a person with morals, I wouldn't have been chatting up a taken man. Second, because she was busy, he wanted to make plans with me. No, not going to happen.

The cute, promising foreigner fell from my graces quickly. His lack of integrity was a strong mar on his character and he proved to be a cheater in all facets of the word. DEAD TO ME. They're called crushes for a reason.

We Weren't On A Date!

I wish this post was a follow-up to meeting the man of my (current) dreams but alas, he turned into a ghost or got hit by a bus. I don't know his last name to confirm the latter.

I did match with an overly chatty guy and was amused by our digital conversations. Within a few topics, he told me that he wasn't looking for anything serious because he just got out of a long-term relationship and wasn't ready for that. He just wanted someone to hang out with. While I appreciated his candor, I wasn't interested in a booty call and I knew he'd never make the dateable list. We kept the conversation going and he suggested meeting up that evening. Based on my assertions and my lack of nightly plans, I agreed to hang out. This wasn't going to be a date.

We had discussed a very memorable 2002 Maryland basketball win and he offered lend me the DVD. How generous. He followed that up with an invite over to my house that night, no intentions, so we could watch the DVD together. No, sir, I will not invite you into my house without meeting you or concluding that you aren't a psycho first.

He tried to play this off as a most normal suggestion and that he had, in the past, met a few of his close friends after a tinder first date to this effect. Thanks, but I'll pass. I still hadn't made plans in the hour that passed so we agreed on a local watering hole. I don't know what motivated me to meet him. Was it boredom-induced? Was it pity? Whatever the reason, I was up for a good story. I do have a blog to maintain.

Within minutes, I sat back, arms-crossed judging him all the way. But in a nice way. I can't explain it, but I felt like I came into this guy's life for a reason. That reason? To console him about his recent break-up with a girlfriend who is also his current roommate. Shit. He does need my help. I served as a sounding board for the next hour or so and learned everything I needed to know and more about the ex. Where she's from, how they met, what she does, her life plans, her hair color... Not a stone left unturned. This was definitely not a date.

I should have charged  for my therapeutic company. He wasn't completely hopeless, but he was definitely in a bind. I lent my ear. Does this count as charitable work? Apparently my listening led him to believe that I was a most interesting person. He asked why I hadn't found someone yet citing the obvious fact that I was really fucking cool (humble too). I am. He went on and I got access to a complimenting doofus which made me feel incredible. We all need an ego boost.

Once he finally understood that I had zero intentions of anything romantic, I offered to help him with his bumble profile. We swiped and chose potential mates and I advised him on the etiquette of delayed responses. We were enjoying ourselves with no expectations.

He kept insisting that we needed to hang out again (friends) and I kept dodging the statement. This was a one-time free night in my robust social calendar and he'd never win a battle with a girlfriend outing. We hugged it out and parted ways.

Then he texted, "Had a really fun time tonight. Thank you again! Ur pretty cool."
And he died for me on the spot. "Ur" ugh. Take the time to spell it out. Also Ur is the abbreviation for "your" which is also grammatically incorrect.

I shook my head as that fit his character all too well. I then did a facebook investigation and found that he was mutual friends with a lacrosse friend. Small. fucking, Chicago.

Sober Dates Are The Future

Though my last two drink-less dates were duds, I would not be discouraged. I had matched with a most eligible bachelor and we decided to meet for a "drink" in my neighborhood. I walked the mile or so and was pleasantly surprised to see him outside as early as I was. He was haaaandsome. And well-dressed. And I was instantly attracted to him. I have a good feeling about this one.

We sat at the bar and I kindly informed him that I was in the midst of my dry month, but he was more than welcome to order a drink. He insisted that tea sounded great so we got two cups at the bar like we were too classy for that joint.

From there, the conversation flowed as easily as the jasmine green. He was well-traveled and knew enough about the world to provide an ample exchange. Had I found the one? The one with potential? He had climbed to Everest's base camp, climbed MT. Kilimanjaro, traveled to many countries, and ventured on several solo trips because friends wouldn't accompany him. I was already making a mental list of our future travel destinations. He had booked a solo trip to Japan on a whim and I was impressed by his self-assurance and gusto. I could get behind this.

In addition to the travel, he was also a nerd. But he's a sexy, socially normal nerd. Ugh. SOLD. He worked in IT and could easily joke about the nerd level of his coworkers (LARP, anyone). If you don't know about LARPing, we're likely friends.  I joked about my coworker who brought a homemade chain mail shirt to the office. We have so much in common!

I felt so at ease with him that I talked about my interests in the symphony and the opera and he responded that he'd like to go. He had, in fact, just gone to the museum with a friend over the weekend. He had more innate culture than all of the perpetual bachelor frat boys combined. I asked about food. This could be a dealbreaker. While he couldn't call himself much of a cook, he did enjoy a variety of cuisine and was open to new experiences. Indian? Mediterranean? Korean? He was up for trying it.

This first date was going extremely well. I think he noted my shock as some point. Do you go on bad dates? Oh, do I! I shared the worst date story of the archives (spectrum guy who mentioned his penis) and he thought it was hilarious. I couldn't believe I was being my full self on a first date without any alcohol-fueled false premise. The weekday date went on for almost 3 hours (!) and I felt like I could have talked to him all night.

When we were leaving, he said we should hang out again and I began planning our future life together.

Ain't Worth the Coffee

By no means do I consider myself a revolutionary, BUT I do have to say that I might have found a remedy for first dates. Taking a dry January has forced me to suggest coffee dates vs drinks date which means I can pick weekend dead zones to fit these in. At first, I was worried about the lack of alcohol and my ability to maintain a conversation (sad, I know), but it has eliminated all lubricant-induced false emotions. Dry dates let me sit back and make my judgments quickly and clearly and the single coffee date has made for fast work. If I arrive early, I purchase my own coffee which removes the guiltiness of maintaining conversation because they got me a drink. The coffee date also ensures that meeting will not go over an hour if I don't want it to because who suggests "one more?" cup of coffee?

I got back on the dating wagon (or is it off, I always forget) and set-up my ingenious coffee date with a bumble gentleman. To my dismay, he had arrived early and I didn't have a planned easy out. He was also doing work at a coffee bar which didn't lend itself to a comfortable greeting or even a warm welcome. I wasn't going to be discouraged. He interviewed me through a series of rapid-fire questions which lacked sentiment or concern and after he dismissed my follow-ups, I knew I wasn't finding true love on this date. He might, however, make a great reference for my next position.

He went through my activities and workouts and of course inquired about the whole crossfit thing. Yes, that's my workout. No, I don't want to discuss it. Yes, paleo is a thing. No, I don't want to go into detail. Yes, I know her. Oh, you dated. She's also Ukrainian. With blond hair. So you have a type. Small world. I wasn't bothered by the fact that he dated someone at my gym, but I was wondering why there was a complete lack of disclosure about anything else in his life. Actually, I didn't care. There was zero chemistry and the amazing coffee wasn't worth sitting through this date. He ended the date by saying that I could stay for a refill, but he wouldn't be joining me. Charming man. We walked out together and I thanked him for the cup and opted to go in the opposite direction. Little did I know that my detour only led me to my parking spot on the same street. I idled in front of a building like the creep that I am. My awkwardness never ceases to amaze me.

Suitor two of the year was a guy  I swiped right to solely on our shared alma mater and expected to at least enjoy the company. Sans drinking, he suggested a spot that had both drinks and good tea options. He arrived late and I sat with my cup of tea acting like I was too good for the place. Once I saw him, I knew there would be no romance to be had even if he had a great personality! Unfortunately, he didn't.

He had just moved to Chicago and the Terpdom was the only thing we had in common. He also talked a mile a minute scarcely stopping to breathe or allow me to respond (what a contrast from the man before). Due to his scattered conversation, I spoke as though I downed more than a few sedatives. whhhheeeerrrreeee diiiiiid youuuuu mooooove from? It was a stark contrast to his speech cadence, for sure. He probably thought I was a bit slow or that I had a drug problem. Actually, I don't think he noticed. He kept at it. Bouncing from thought to thought like a chinese ping pong match. Though I was dismayed, the tea was amazing. I used my tried and true 8pm bedtime out though not before he asked me for city recommendations in case I wanted to join him sometime. Sorry. Turtle power will not get you a second date. And just like that, I was welcomed back to the dating world.

Old Habits Die Hard

As much as I looked forward to finally seeing the direction this guy and I would head, I knew enough not to count my chickens before they hatched. I didn't hear from him during the week (typical) and ended up asking if he had a "hot date" for the weekend. He didn't. He had a work party. Seriously??

Had I fabricated our date with a place and time at that? He was apologetic and swore he could do both as long as I was okay with an early dinner. I was irked. On top of that, he was slow to respond when I tried to confirm the plans. I debated cancelling altogether, but knew I'd be no closer to closure if I didn't see him another time; this was not something I wanted to linger for months on end.

A friend asked why he didn't invite me to the party too and I had no response. I wasn't expecting much at this point. I dressed to the nines to make sure he knew exactly what he'd be missing out on by cutting our date short and when he arrived, I knew he definitely noticed. Dinner was wonderful, actually, and I was impressed with both his ordering skills and his conversation. Damnit, He did end up inviting me to the party and suggested we grab an after dinner drink vs. heading straight there. The dress worked. We ventured to a speakeasy type place within a hotel and chatted easily with a couple in the elevator up. Once there, the four of us continued to converse and opted to share a table. This younger couple asked how long we'd been together and we laughed off the comment saying we'd only been on a few dates. "oh, you two are great together" And there it was. All the validation I needed from months of being led on... We were pretty great together that night and I got to picture what it'd be like to date him, how it'd be out with friends. All of it was appealing. He found out that plus ones (or threes) weren't accepted at the party, but he promised he'd meet up later.

The next day he asked my following weekend's plans and I considered easing my guard. We both had parties to attend, but we'd be happy to meet up after (which we did). By the time I saw him, he was more than a few sheets, but I somehow didn't mind. Once we ventured to my place, we shared a nightcap on the couch and he volunteered some information about his ex (something he shared with the couple the weekend before). I didn't pry and handy google had given me plenty to stalk in the months in between dates. As he faded out of conversation, I wished I asked more but then again, I was still unsure about dating him and didn't need to know. In his state, he dozed off on the couch and I was pumped to have a bed to myself. Actually, this was the best scenario possible- a gentleman caller who won't disrupt my sleep (noted). 

He surfaced in my bed in the morning and we had easy conversation. I felt no need to filter or evade and I found myself just as at ease as our first date. I noticed his phone kept buzzing (who calls at 6am on a Sunday morning??) and asked if he needed to get that. He said no. His phone kept ringing and I finally glanced the name. The ex, The one he said was crazy. I called him out. He didn't deny it. He also hadn't stopped talking to her (broken up for over and year) and though I didn't want to ask, hadn't stopped sleeping with her either. At this point, i was more disappointed than anything. I wasn't expecting any sort of exclusivity, but a muddled ex-relationship was more than I bargained for. That said, I was relieved to have discovered this early on before I was invested in this emotionally unavailable guy. Lessons learned.

Miss Communication

True to my word, I didn't chase the guy who wasn't interested. A month or so went by and I randomly texted him inquiring about his favorite restaurant. Much to my surprise, he responded immediately and suggested we go sometime soon. We texted sporadically throughout the night and after all the wine, I apparently suggested he come over. So much for the "respect me, date me" scenario I had anticipated. Needless to say, he jumped at the opportunity and said he'd make it over as soon as he could.

I, however, completely forgot the plan by the time I got home and instead opted for a peaceful pass out alone in my bed. I awoke to several missed calls, texts, and messages. Only then did it occur to me that an invite has transpired the night before. My bad. He called me in the morning and called me out and we had a good laugh. No, I was not planning on that happening again and no, that wasn't suddenly on the table. He suggested we get together the next afternoon for a regular hangout and for a moment, I felt that I got the upper hand.

By the time we met, he told me he had to go see an apartment and I could join him if I wanted to. I suppose this beats not seeing him, but it was hardly what I'd call a date. On our way, he told me that we should act like a couple buying and I should play the role of indecisive fiance. Well, if I must. Seriously, this would have been my dream a few years back. We played our parts and I sort of enjoyed this faux relationship while it lasted. We grabbed a bite afterwards and he proceeded to tell me that he was surprised to hear from me that weekend seeing as he thought I wasn't interested.

Me; really?
Him: Because you told me you weren't going to chase me.
Me; yea, because if you'd liked me, you would be doing the chasing.
Him (protesting): but I responded every time you texted
Me; that's my point. I shouldn't be the one initiating all the time.
Him: Oh.

We ended with him asking what I thought about him after each date and I was completely honest. I was still trying to determine if I liked him or not. He asked to go out the following weekend. I acquiesced.