Having been on multiple disappointing first dates, I try to set the bar extremely low for future ones. I returned from vacation and decided to download Bumble after a friend's success rate. Compared to match, Bumble actually has attractive, accessible men! The whole "women message first" concept is enlightening and allows me to reassess a match before texting. I was pretty swipe happy and made some split second decisions in the first day of downloading.
I did, however, match with several good-looking and seemingly normal men. After chatting with one, I scheduled my first bumble day within days. My friend's "babe" approval built some anticipation though I maintained a relatively low excitement level. We met for drinks on a weeknight and even his slightly nerdy attire (khakis and a polo, straight from the office) didn't put me off in the initial minutes. He was cute so he instantly gained some leeway in that department; I could change him.
We got to talking about our recent travels and I was happy to find that he also had a case of wanderlust. He was culturally aware (huge) and had even worked abroad for a portion of his career. This was a good start. We enthusiastically discussed our favorite destinations and cuisines and easily connected over our interests. He also cited that though early, he'd see us as admirable travel companions; I agreed. We talked about the summers of our youth (him: the cape, me: summer camp) and shamelessly shared awkward stories.We continued to talk about everything and nothing well past my bedtime and 2 glass limit. He impressed me with his extensive vocabulary and didn't have to ask me what a word meant.
I wondered what our babies would look like. (I was past my wine limit)
The conversation was so rapid and easy and something I hadn't experienced in a long time. We even ventured to a bar across the street, ran into a friend, and continued into the double digit hours. I had all the feelings on this first date and even allowed a bar first kiss. How gauche! He asked my weekend plans and scheduled a second date within the same week. I was so excited.
The next day I met my bestie and downloaded the date play-by-play. She was in complete agreement that I was basically in love and ready to plan my life with this man. I never have these kind of first dates!
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Breaking Hearts, Breaking Records
Post my non-relationship, I felt the need to get back out and date. I was also planning on a vacation so wanted to get something in the books before I left. I went back to trolling match when I got a very straight forward message. I think it said something along the lines of, "I like this and this about your profile. I'd like to meet you in-person. Would you like to grab coffee with me on this date and time?"
Having read about my previous experience of intro emails, you can understand why I was immediately intrigued. I checked out his profile and assessed that he didn't look like a serial killer from his one picture so I agreed to last minute coffee post-workout. I gave no fucks about being sweaty as that's my natural state.
I arrived early and ordered my own coffee to-go thereby ensuring that I had an escape plan if needed (I wish I was that clever). I grabbed a table close to the door and waited. Once he arrived, I understood that the single picture was a sure sign that I shouldn't have agreed to meet him. I swear I was being catfished. Normally, I give a good minute or two to reach a snap judgment, but this one was done within seconds. Activate escape plan. I immediately greeted him with, "Hi, I'm so sorry, but this is going to have to be short as I have a furnace guy coming over." I'm a terrible liar but having just met him, I went for it. Within the initial conversation topics, he asked where I was from then proceeded to tell me that Baltimore was just infested with druggies and homeless people. Ok that's only partially true, but how rude!
He then asked me when my last relationship was and why it ended and why hadn't I found someone. I was impressed with his ability to be so daft about dating in such a small time frame. He asked me if I read books to which I replied, yes, a lot of non-fiction. He responded with "That's odd. Women only read fiction." I balked. He back-pedaled saying that don't they all read things like "50 shades". Again, was he serious with this shit? I countered saying that I had not, in fact, read that because I heard the writing was poor. Instead of letting it go, he continued asking me if all women were "into that". He was clearly implying the S&M, dominant/submissive thing and I ran out of replies. I simply said, are you seriously suggesting that as a topic of conversation before 11am?
I knew I had to end this soon so I just said, "I'm going to go." He bolted before I got out the last syllable and I swear I saw cartoon dust tracks as he scurried. Thank goodness I bought my own coffee so I wouldn't feel guilty about ending the date after 15 minutes. SET A RECORD. So there's that.
Having read about my previous experience of intro emails, you can understand why I was immediately intrigued. I checked out his profile and assessed that he didn't look like a serial killer from his one picture so I agreed to last minute coffee post-workout. I gave no fucks about being sweaty as that's my natural state.
I arrived early and ordered my own coffee to-go thereby ensuring that I had an escape plan if needed (I wish I was that clever). I grabbed a table close to the door and waited. Once he arrived, I understood that the single picture was a sure sign that I shouldn't have agreed to meet him. I swear I was being catfished. Normally, I give a good minute or two to reach a snap judgment, but this one was done within seconds. Activate escape plan. I immediately greeted him with, "Hi, I'm so sorry, but this is going to have to be short as I have a furnace guy coming over." I'm a terrible liar but having just met him, I went for it. Within the initial conversation topics, he asked where I was from then proceeded to tell me that Baltimore was just infested with druggies and homeless people. Ok that's only partially true, but how rude!
He then asked me when my last relationship was and why it ended and why hadn't I found someone. I was impressed with his ability to be so daft about dating in such a small time frame. He asked me if I read books to which I replied, yes, a lot of non-fiction. He responded with "That's odd. Women only read fiction." I balked. He back-pedaled saying that don't they all read things like "50 shades". Again, was he serious with this shit? I countered saying that I had not, in fact, read that because I heard the writing was poor. Instead of letting it go, he continued asking me if all women were "into that". He was clearly implying the S&M, dominant/submissive thing and I ran out of replies. I simply said, are you seriously suggesting that as a topic of conversation before 11am?
I knew I had to end this soon so I just said, "I'm going to go." He bolted before I got out the last syllable and I swear I saw cartoon dust tracks as he scurried. Thank goodness I bought my own coffee so I wouldn't feel guilty about ending the date after 15 minutes. SET A RECORD. So there's that.
Monday, April 18, 2016
O, Canada!
No, it hasn't been 2 months since the first date with the Canadian, but I've actually been too work busy to blog during my 9-5. My second date, however, was a good month after our first one. I appreciated the fact that he planned and made a date ahead of time in the midst of his travel.
The anticipation built and I had high expectations of this date. He made a dinner reservation and I had the perfect reason to dress up. The Canadian was just as handsome and I remembered and the conversation picked up comfortably. Once we were seated, we had identical rapport with the waiter and were in complete agreement with the laissez-faire approach to ordering (blindly having the waiter choose our dinner). I was pleased to find that he had an equally adventurous palate and impeccable table manners. You'd be surprised. He also served me which I found quite refreshing. Actually, I can't think of another occasion where a man actually took that kind of initiative (checklist professor included).
We continued easy conversation through dinner and 2 glasses of wine and when he suggested one at his house, I broke my rules and obliged. In spite of my dentist's predictions (yep, he's a reader), I swore there would be zero kissing on this date, but the wine swayed my decision elsewhere. Once at his condo, he let me choose from a copious selection of wine and poured us glasses. I wavered in this awkward stage of nervousness and inevitability before we settled on the couch and watched lord knows what on TV. I felt like a middle schooler on the brink of a terrifying hand hold in a movie. Thankfully, he finally leaned over and kissed me and... there was NOTHING. No sparks. I wasn't even looking for fireworks, but had expected something. He wasn't a bad kisser, but within a few seconds it was evident that there was zero chemistry between us.
Yes, he was intelligent. Yes, he was good-looking. Yes, he had a fantastic body. Yes, he's well-traveled. He even made it to the second date without me completely dismissing him! Unfortunately, no amount of checklist items can fabricate chemistry. I debated going out with him again, but there are some things that can't be ignored. I know some of you are reading this thinking I'm crazy, but you either have it or you don't and I'm a firm believer that my partner and I will have it off the bat.
The anticipation built and I had high expectations of this date. He made a dinner reservation and I had the perfect reason to dress up. The Canadian was just as handsome and I remembered and the conversation picked up comfortably. Once we were seated, we had identical rapport with the waiter and were in complete agreement with the laissez-faire approach to ordering (blindly having the waiter choose our dinner). I was pleased to find that he had an equally adventurous palate and impeccable table manners. You'd be surprised. He also served me which I found quite refreshing. Actually, I can't think of another occasion where a man actually took that kind of initiative (checklist professor included).
We continued easy conversation through dinner and 2 glasses of wine and when he suggested one at his house, I broke my rules and obliged. In spite of my dentist's predictions (yep, he's a reader), I swore there would be zero kissing on this date, but the wine swayed my decision elsewhere. Once at his condo, he let me choose from a copious selection of wine and poured us glasses. I wavered in this awkward stage of nervousness and inevitability before we settled on the couch and watched lord knows what on TV. I felt like a middle schooler on the brink of a terrifying hand hold in a movie. Thankfully, he finally leaned over and kissed me and... there was NOTHING. No sparks. I wasn't even looking for fireworks, but had expected something. He wasn't a bad kisser, but within a few seconds it was evident that there was zero chemistry between us.
Yes, he was intelligent. Yes, he was good-looking. Yes, he had a fantastic body. Yes, he's well-traveled. He even made it to the second date without me completely dismissing him! Unfortunately, no amount of checklist items can fabricate chemistry. I debated going out with him again, but there are some things that can't be ignored. I know some of you are reading this thinking I'm crazy, but you either have it or you don't and I'm a firm believer that my partner and I will have it off the bat.
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