I wish this post was a follow-up to meeting the man of my (current) dreams but alas, he turned into a ghost or got hit by a bus. I don't know his last name to confirm the latter.
I did match with an overly chatty guy and was amused by our digital conversations. Within a few topics, he told me that he wasn't looking for anything serious because he just got out of a long-term relationship and wasn't ready for that. He just wanted someone to hang out with. While I appreciated his candor, I wasn't interested in a booty call and I knew he'd never make the dateable list. We kept the conversation going and he suggested meeting up that evening. Based on my assertions and my lack of nightly plans, I agreed to hang out. This wasn't going to be a date.
We had discussed a very memorable 2002 Maryland basketball win and he offered lend me the DVD. How generous. He followed that up with an invite over to my house that night, no intentions, so we could watch the DVD together. No, sir, I will not invite you into my house without meeting you or concluding that you aren't a psycho first.
He tried to play this off as a most normal suggestion and that he had, in the past, met a few of his close friends after a tinder first date to this effect. Thanks, but I'll pass. I still hadn't made plans in the hour that passed so we agreed on a local watering hole. I don't know what motivated me to meet him. Was it boredom-induced? Was it pity? Whatever the reason, I was up for a good story. I do have a blog to maintain.
Within minutes, I sat back, arms-crossed judging him all the way. But in a nice way. I can't explain it, but I felt like I came into this guy's life for a reason. That reason? To console him about his recent break-up with a girlfriend who is also his current roommate. Shit. He does need my help. I served as a sounding board for the next hour or so and learned everything I needed to know and more about the ex. Where she's from, how they met, what she does, her life plans, her hair color... Not a stone left unturned. This was definitely not a date.
I should have charged for my therapeutic company. He wasn't completely hopeless, but he was definitely in a bind. I lent my ear. Does this count as charitable work? Apparently my listening led him to believe that I was a most interesting person. He asked why I hadn't found someone yet citing the obvious fact that I was really fucking cool (humble too). I am. He went on and I got access to a complimenting doofus which made me feel incredible. We all need an ego boost.
Once he finally understood that I had zero intentions of anything romantic, I offered to help him with his bumble profile. We swiped and chose potential mates and I advised him on the etiquette of delayed responses. We were enjoying ourselves with no expectations.
He kept insisting that we needed to hang out again (friends) and I kept dodging the statement. This was a one-time free night in my robust social calendar and he'd never win a battle with a girlfriend outing. We hugged it out and parted ways.
Then he texted, "Had a really fun time tonight. Thank you again! Ur pretty cool."
And he died for me on the spot. "Ur" ugh. Take the time to spell it out. Also Ur is the abbreviation for "your" which is also grammatically incorrect.
I shook my head as that fit his character all too well. I then did a facebook investigation and found that he was mutual friends with a lacrosse friend. Small. fucking, Chicago.
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