Yes, my blog has been on hiatus. As you might have guessed I started dating date number 8, which turned into a whole 2 months.
After realizing I liked the guy, I broached the subject of seeing only him. Though this was met with some trepidation on his part, but I was confident he'd come around. After all, I had went out with enough guys to be pretty decisive about what I wanted. We continued to see each other regularly and I was never in doubt about his sentiments toward me. I also knew that I was a great catch no matter who else he would attempt to date.
At this point, I had met several of his friends (and their girlfriends) and he had met a lot of mine. This was a thing. We even went on a dinner date where I was enjoying myself more than I have with a man since I can't even recall when. I fully let my guard down and even with his reservations, I was prepared for the high-risk/high-reward situation.
And then the whole divorced man psyche came into play. All along, he had the insecurities of other divorced men. He needed affirmation that I liked him and wanted to see him. He needed to know I didn't want to date other men. If I ever acted slightly disinterested, he'd pull away. Then one evening he told me he needed to slow things down. Fair, we were spending a lot of time together then. I probed further asking him to clarify what that meant and if I should stop making plans. He replied, "No, you should still make plans. I just want to go slower." Fine. I'm okay with that.
I let him talk for what seemed like a good hour with little response as I inched up my emotional wall. He had never been a good communicator and listening to him explain what the fuck he meant by "taking it slow" was a bit torturous. He finally ended the conversation with, "I really like you and I don't want to mess this up so I need to take it slower."
My response? "Well why didn't you just say that in the beginning??"
He thought he did.
After I left in the morning, my guard was firmly planted. I was heading out of town for the next few weekends and knew the space he needed would be built it. I refrained from texting while I was away and looked forward to seeing him when I returned.
We finally had our next date and it was nothing less than awkward. His greeting was cold and I was sensitive to the fact that he might not like me. I, of course, countered with my own weird demeanor as I still had no idea how to define "slow". The next two hours seemed to drag on till he finally called the date and said there was no chance of recovering a good night. I was upset. Actually, I was pissed. I wondered if this inability to resolve conflict was a reason for divorce. Sure, it wasn't the best time, but wouldn't it be worth at least an attempt to make it better?
I heard from him sparingly the next week though he asked to see me one of the nights. The night before I get a phone call (rare) and I immediately knew he'd be cancelling. He went through a litany of reasons that we shouldn't be hanging out. It's unfair to you. You want different things. I can't be the person you need right now.
Woah, woah, woah, buddy. Where do you get off telling me what I want?? He tried to pin a lot on things I wanted though the issue was his inability to articulate what slow meant. I told him I was still unclear to which he replied, "I want to see you, but I want you to like me less." Seriously? Who actually sets that as an expectation? Additionally, when I did like him less, he got all weird. You can't have it both ways! I finally told him that if he didn't want to date me, he needed to simply state that and not try to involve my motivations in the process. He responded saying that's exactly what he was doing. *sigh*
I ended our conversation saying, "so how should I respond to this? Did you expect me to cry?"
He was relieved I didn't. I mean crying must have been on the table due to my undying love for him.
Divorced guys and mixed signals are synonymous. And that's when Bradley Cooper got hit by a bus.
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